How Do I Know When My Emotional Attachment is Unhealthy?

Ryan Duncan

A relationship can be a strange thing. Whether it’s as a friend, student, or romantic partner, the bond requires you to share a piece of yourself with another person. This is important, because once that part of you has been given, it can never be taken back. Regardless of how you feel mentally, you will be emotionally tied to that person. This all sounds very ominous on paper, but the reality is that’s just how relationships are made.

Still, what do you do when a connection turns unhealthy? We all know the stories of people who stayed in toxic relationships because they couldn’t bring themselves to end things. How do you know when it’s time to let go? Jade Mazarin of Relevant Magazine asked these same questions in a recent post, where she introduced some keys for stopping unhealthy attachments. She writes,

1. See Things as They Are

“This happens first and foremost by seeing the relationship as it really is. This means recognizing its limitations. It means willingly facing the truth.”

“Maya Angelou once said, ‘When someone shows you who they are, believe them.’ Sometimes we have blinders on to what’s in front of us. We may cling to the belief someone will change, or that the situation is better than it really is. When we’re attached, we have to consciously take off the rose colored glasses every time we automatically put them back on.”

“Once we see clearly, we are invited to accept what we see, rather than trying to change it. We can relax our grasp, and rest from efforts that don’t work. We can choose to relinquish control, surrendering our need to make things different from what they are.”

Mazarin also reminds Christians that they are not alone in all this. The Church should step forward to help and heal when a relationship is severed. She also encourages readers to look to God, stating that our Heavenly Father knows us better than we know ourselves.

4. Truly Consider God’s Role

“It’s important to remember we’re not alone in this. We’ve got a Father, literally right by our sides, who ‘gets’ it—why we feel how we do, and what more there is for us. Not only is He by our side, He really is in control. It’s not arbitrary that we’re not with this person. We didn’t mess things up, nor did we miss His perfect will. He’s got a reason for the way things are.”

To be in a relationship is to be vulnerable. You never know if things will work out for the best, or if they’ll fall short over time. All we can do is to have faith, seek wisdom, and find the courage to be honest when we need to. Christ is with us in every relationship, look to him and he will show you the way.

Did you like this article? You might like 10 Women Christian Men should Never Marry or 10 Traits You Need to Avoid in a Significant Other.


*Ryan Duncan is the Entertainment Editor for

**Published 6/2/2015