I did everything all wrong.
And when I mean wrong, I mean - wrong. Really wrong. Horribly wrong.
Wrong where it makes your heart beat out of your chest because you are a good Christian blogger girl and those type of good girls aren't supposed to act in these types of bad ways - in a mean-girl kind of way, in a self-righteous kind of way.
This person was loaded to the brim with a huge loss and I let their response to my prayer throw me off the my clear running pattern of love.
To add insult to this horrible injury, I also retaliated. I retaliated with vengeance over a mean dispute about - (brace yourself) - prayer.
I can only imaging God's delight
as I fought so vehemently for his truth, can't you
(please sense the sarcasm)?
Instead of arguing over theology,
what if I was set on praying for humility?
Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil... 2 Tim. 2:23-24
I let my pride walk like a bully
in front of another's aching need to vent a pain-ridden heart.
I let her shot take me down,
completely missing the fact that she just needed a straight shot of love.
Her words weren't ever about me, they were all about her and her dire situation.
Why is it that sometimes in the moment we can't see?
I can't help but think, this is why our wise God so often instructs us
to listen more than we talk.
When we can see that others piercing words are really just responses to their own threats, we can act in compassion.
How can we get angry with those people who are in deep pain, frustration and irritation?
So often people block what they most need, because the severity, the weight and the presence of their issue is suffocating. And, sometimes, coming above water means miles of vulnerability that is frankly too scary to swim through. The distance can seem daunting and shoreline can seem unreachable, so they act in fear.
And, fear is never known for staying contained, it seeps out to reach its gnarly arms around all those it encounters, it hurts those it never intended to. It causes pain.
Yet, when grace meets another's fear, God's supernatural placating abilities are activated.
die to self no matter how the opposing side treats us,
see another's needs above our own,
remember that we have acted much in the same way,
grab on to the truth that God has placed us in this person's path for such a time as this,
extend a hand when it looks like the other person might cut it off
and we believe, hope and trust that he will forge truth in the unsaid...
we are operating from grace-power accessed at God's throne.
Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Heb. 4:16
Christ's grace is the lifeline to hope.
It's the split-second that a person has to find the light of Christ through their moment of need.
Not by our rescues, or by our insults, or our control or our power, but through his small words spoken in the silence of need.
Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. 1 Pet. 4:10
Then, the door to safety, truth and fearlessness appear - to us and to them. All are granted an opportunity to see the way, the truth and life of Christ in this moment.
For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. Titus 2:11
Grace changes hearts - including ours.