Here are 3 important marriage truths you may not hear in church:
1. Marriage is not for everyone.
This is a tough one because so many people, men and women alike, young and old desire to be married…and not all of them will marry. I believe the desire for marriage is good and biblical, but our church culture has put such an immense amount of pressure to be married that when it doesn’t happen it’s a big let down — sometimes even more so for the onlookers. Powell explains,
"God has not called everyone to marry. I talk with young men and women that are consumed with finding a spouse. And most of the pressure comes from…US. The church. Once a person reaches mid-twenties, we assume they have a fatal flaw if they aren’t married."
Powell goes on to caution,
"Shame on us. I am worried many failed marriages are the result of Christians pressuring people into something God did not design them for. Marriage is holy and good, but it is also possible to follow Jesus without a spouse."
I agree with Crosswalk Editor Ryan Duncan that,
"All Christians desire the blessing of marriage, but we also want to receive that blessing in a way that will honor God. For some that means waiting, for others it may mean forfeiting the blessing altogether. Whether married or single, we must trust that God has a plan for all our lives, and that by His grace we are never, truly, alone."
There is so much you can learn from God as a single, so don’t waste this time!
2. A Spouse will not and does not complete you.
I feel fortunate that I had a theology teacher in high school who taught an entire lesson on how a man (I went to an all girls school) will not complete you, but you may find a spouse who compliments you. Ever since then I have held tight to the truth that a husband will not complete me…only Jesus can do that. Powell reveals this truth,
"If you are empty, broken, or insecure, and you believe a spouse is the silver bullet to your problems…buckle up. Marriage will be a bumpy ride. Only God can fill those voids. You will never be able to enjoy the beauty of marriage if your spouse’s job is to complete you."
If you have unrealistic expectations of your spouse, you will be continually disappointed and frustrated.
Pete Briscoe, of the Experiencing LIFE Today devotion, shares,
"Your spouse will NOT complete you; your spouse will complicate you. If you are single, trust me on this one. If you are married, you can stop nodding your head right now. One of God’s purposes in marriage is to use our spouse to reveal our flesh patterns, selfishness, and sin. If you are looking for true love and affirmation, only Christ will complete you."
If you’re looking for someone else to give you the kind of love that only God can give, then you will continue to be let down by the people you date or the person you marry. There is no perfect person, but there is a perfect God and he loves us perfectly.
3. There is not just one person for you.
Do soulmates really exist? I believe there is only one true match for my soul and that is Jesus Christ; he is who my soul truly longs for. To refer to my spouse as my soulmate seems to lessen my relationship with God. Powell relays,
"Soul mates are made…not born. I am not sure where this idea of soul mate originated, but it is false. Maintaining a healthy relationship is more about commitment than perfection. Every person on earth has imperfections. And the reality is we could spend our lives with more than one person.
What if God does not want you to find a perfect person, but an imperfect person that will draw you closer to Him? What if God desires you to marry a person with flaws to expose yours? What if God wants to teach you the value found in committing to one person forever, not the exhausting pursuit of searching your entire life to find the perfect person?"
God desires to draw us closer to himself whether we are married or single, so our focus whether we are married or single should always be on God. He is our true soulmate.
You can read Powell’s full article and all 7 points at faithit.com
Did any of these marriage truths surprise you? Share some marriage truths you have learned!
Liz Kanoy is an Editor for Crosswalk.com
Publication date: August 5, 2015