Dear Warrior Moms,
May you be encouraged if you are in the midst of a “shortly after” season.
Shortly after my wonderful faithful victory and breakthrough discussed in the previously chapter, I received my rejection letter from the University of Georgia’s Speech Pathology program and a few days later, I received a rejection letter from Georgia State University’s Speech Pathology Program. If I remember correctly, and I do, I was so devastated that I missed a day of work. How could my faith have failed me? How could this be? I just KNEW that I was supposed to be a speech pathologist and help children like Jacob. I wanted to help them learn to hear and speak and give their parents coffee and ask them how they were. I just knew I was supposed to help! Saying that I was devastated is putting it lightly. I didn’t understand how I could have faith and believe, and still not get into graduate school. In my first book (God & Coffee: in that order), I wrote a chapter called, “The Bugs must be confused.” Now, I was just bugged that I was sooooooooooooo so very confused.
I was so embarrassed too! I didn’t even want to go to work and show my face. I felt “stupid.” I was a mess. It was comparable to labor. When I had my first child, Faith, in the Army hospital in Washington State, I remember thinking, “You have GOT to be kidding me! I can’t believe that I’m having to do this! I can’t believe I’m in this position!” I was mortified. And I know it sounds like an exaggeration, but I felt the same way now. I was mortified and couldn’t believe I was in this position. I had failed.
I walked around “blank” for a while, and I started writing an angry little book called “Where the Red Cardinals Fly,” about the truth of my childhood, of alcoholism and abuse and darkness. It felt good to get it all out. I wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote. I was going to write about my life up until the point I was at, and see what I had to say when I got there. It was very therapeutic, and liberating at the same time. I didn’t have much time to ponder my pain and disappointment though. Little did I know I’d be handed more.
LITTLE DID I KNOW
Little did I know
That the pain I had today
Would seem so insignificant
To the heartache coming my way
And how could I comprehend
What I had not yet had to compare
Between what is and isn’t
Fair
Little did I know..
Oh if I could go back
To the day before the news
When everything was simple
And matter of fact
The temperature was 70
The ball game was on TV
And everything was so simple
Then you see
If only I appreciated the simple-ness
Then
I would have appreciated those days more
If I knew what I know now - then
But that’s not how it works
We don’t learn until we linger
Amid the pain of devastation
And then we start to remember
We remember to appreciate
The simple things of everyday
We start to say what’s on our hearts
In case the chance never comes our way
Again
To Friends we grow closer
We laugh a little louder
With the joker
We look to God more sincerely
And we really stop to ponder
What really is a bother
And basically we determine
That the windy breeze feels nice
That ice is just that ice
And we start to become wise
When we grab an ice cube
And drop one or a few
And we laugh instead of cuss
Because everyone of us
Will drop an ice cube from time to
Time
And why did I put all that in this rhyme
Because you see
If one can start to have victory
In the little things
Your Faith will begin to grow
WINGS yes WINGS of all things
And when the BIG things come
Yes the things that make you succumb
To the one of Higher Power
Then you’ll reach for a flower
And the silent scent
Will shower grace
Upon your soul
You don’t have to wait to
Grow old to become wise
If you look up to the sky NOW
And ask God to help
You fly
You see little did I know
That tomorrow would be much harder
Than I thought yesterday was
And that’s the truth
Because
We don’t know until we’ve been there
What’s fair and isn’t fair
So I lay it all down to the One
Who knows the number of every hair
Upon my head
Little did I know
That MY strength was not enough
Little did I know…
So many tears ago
What God would show… my soul
Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.
Kristina Seymour loves to encourage and equip women through the Word and through community. She is the author of The Warrior Mom Handbook, The Warrior Mom Leadership Manual, and The Warrior Wife Handbook; they are available at Amazon.com. Kristina's Bible studies are for women who desire to live by faith in the midst of their everyday lives. She has learned that women can't survive on caffeine and animal crackers alone; women in the Word and in community are united and able to stand firm. To learn more about Kristina, please visit her website, https://kristinaseymour.com/. God loves to share His story of love and grace through us all, and Kristina believes that everyone has a story to tell.