Three years ago, I wrote a book. I know without a doubt God put it on my heart, called me to write it. I know I did it exactly when He wanted me to write it.
But I never imagined what would happen next.
I had the book at the publishers, ready to start pushing it through to completion. And that’s when my ex-husband passed away suddenly. I immediately called the publisher and pulled the plug on the project. I just didn’t feel right publishing a book about his affair that soon after his death. I couldn’t do that to his family, to my kids, to him.
Here we are three years later. The book has been on my computer—unread and untouched—since April of 2016. God has been stirring in my heart about this book, about its future.
Last November, I attended the BLAST Next Level conference with Shannon Ethridge. The last few years, my passion had waned as I was overwhelmed with life—a new marriage, kids graduating high school, illness, and so much more. But when I was with Shannon and this group of AMAZING ladies, God reignited my passion. He reconfirmed His calling on my life. He reminded me about this book I have setting on my computer.
At the recommendation of Shannon, I reached out to Redemption Press this last week. Of course, I had a neat little timetable for publishing my book—this year I was focusing on getting my Masters in Life Coaching and I wanted to time the release of the book with the completion of my Masters degree.
It seems God might have other plans. Isn’t that just like Him? He loves to come in and mess up our neat little plans and do things HIS way and in HIS time.
And that’s where we find ourselves in a crisis of belief. Will I believe God? Will I trust Him to complete this project in His time and in His way? Will I join Him where He is working? Will I take that step of obedience—and risk looking the complete fool—to do things His way?
So here I sit today. Asking for God’s direction. Asking for His provision. Asking that He will help my unbelief.
And now I have to ask that He will help ROY’S unbelief too! Life truly is more complicated when you are married!! (It’s also so much fun, but for now I have to harass him just a little bit…)
Athena Holtz, the Founder and CEO of Redemption Press, wants to push my book through production by August of this year. Eeeekkk!! In addition, Athena wants me to be a featured author on a large Christian women's tour this fall!
As if trying to publish a book in five short months isn’t overwhelming enough, how exciting to be part of a conference that will reach around 20,000 women. I couldn’t contain the tears when the opportunity presented itself.
This is where the whole story becomes a God-sized thing—bigger than anything I could ever ask, hope, or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). I tempted to say it’s impossible, and then I hear God whisper, “I specialize in the impossible. You’ve already said you don’t want to do anything unless it is an obvious God-thing. This is a God thing.”
Now I sit here, facing my crisis of belief. Will I step out in faith? Will I trust Him to do what only He can do? Will I believe that He will provide?
I imagine myself much like Moses:
But Moses said, “Here I am among six hundred thousand men on foot, and you say, ‘I will give them meat to eat for a whole month!’ Would they have enough if flocks and herds were slaughtered for them? Would they have enough if all the fish in the sea were caught for them?”
The Lord answered Moses, “Is the Lord’s arm too short? Now you will see whether or not what I say will come true for you.”
So Moses went out and told the people what the Lord had said. Numbers 11:21-24
Put yourself in Moses’s place. God has just told him that there will be enough meat to feed all 600,000 Israelites. That’s a God-sized task. Can you imagine what was going through his mind as he stood in front of them and proclaimed they would have meat to eat? Talk about a crisis of belief! I would have been asking God all kinds of questions: Are you sure? I’m putting my reputation on the line here! How do I know you are really going to do this? How do I know this is you telling me these things? This is crazy!
Lord, help my unbelief!!
Right now, I feel much like Moses, wondering if I am crazy, if God is crazy, if He will come through. I find myself begging God to help my unbelief.
So where do we go from here?
Each and every one of you is an answer to my prayer. You have no idea how much you mean to me, how much you have helped me heal. I covet your friendship, your support.
How can you support me?
- Pray for me. Pray that I have faith to believe God for what He is asking me to do. Pray He will provide for me. Pray He gives me the stamina to push things through on His timetable and not mine.
- If you have the ability and feel led to do so, I ask you to go to my website https://denajohnson.com/the-vision-of-dena-johnson-ministries/ and donate to my ministry. I have God-sized dreams! I want to buy homes and allow single moms to live in them while I provide life-coaching. I want to give in ways I’ve never been able to give before. I want to see this project through to completion. I want to see God do what only He can do. And, the cost to publish a book these days (unless you are a well-established author) is quite expensive. Please remember Dena Johnson Ministries is a 501(c)3 organization and all donations are tax-deductible.
- Pray some more. I can’t start to tell you how much I covet your prayers right now. Be my Aaron and Hur, holding up my arms to call on God’s power. You are needed. You are loved.
You all are such an amazing part of this journey, and I wouldn’t be where I am without you. I look forward to sharing with you just how God provides for this crazy, God-sized dream.
Lord, Help my unbelief. Here I sit on the cusp of a miracle and I find myself doubting you will be faithful. Why? I am (sadly) so much like the Israelites, seeing you do mighty miracles in front of me and yet turning the corner and doubting you. Forgive me. This is a God-sized dream, a miracle only you can make happen. Show up and show off so I can proclaim your faithfulness! In Jesus name I pray, amen