How to Survive the Holidays with a Difficult Family

1. Political Peter

Peter loves to stir the pot and he knows the quickest way to get things boiling is by bringing up politics. He’s barely through the door before he’s talking about the latest scandal from Capitol Hill.

But the real kicker is that Political Peter often doesn’t take a side on politics. He’ll toss out a politically charged statement, sit back, and watch the world burn. He’s quick to take up the role of devil’s advocate, just to stoke the fire.

How to deal with Political Peter:  Never, ever, EVER enter the argument. No matter what uninformed, utterly ridiculous comment comes out of Peter’s mouth, it’s always critical to hold your tongue. Remember, Peter wants to see you get fired up. It’s a trap that only you can keep yourself out of. 

Photo credit: ©Thinkstock

2. Gossipy Gale

Gale loves to talk about anyone and everyone—nobody is safe. She’ll tell about your cousin’s lackluster grades, her neighbor’s pending divorce, and how her son’s teacher’s husband's dog has put on quite a lot of holiday weight. 

How to deal with a Gossipy Gale: There are two distinct strategies for handling Gale: 

First, you need to shut her down. Don’t be a willing participant in the gossip. Excuse yourself from the conversation before you get sucked in. If you’re unable to escape, try changing the conversation. If that fails, politely say, “I prefer not to discuss people while they’re not here.”

The second strategy is to guard yourself against becoming her latest victim. Be reserved in the details of your life. You don’t want her to skew your life story into something juicy that other people "just have to hear."

Photo credit: ©Thinkstock/Ingram Publishing

3. Lazy Louis

Louis is probably a nice guy, but he’s a bit of a couch potato; in fact, he refuses to help over the holidays in any way. Louis claims a recliner the second he walks in the door and doesn’t move until it’s time to go. He won’t cook or clean or even play LEGOs with the kids. It’s just him, his plate, and the television.

How to deal with a Lazy Louis: Louis is one of the easiest relatives to deal with: just ignore him! He’s not actively causing any harm because he’s, well, not active at all. If Louis wants to veg out in front of the TV all day, let him! He’s taking a day to relax.

What might get frustrating is if he’s demanding you be his butler. You have two options: Either channel your servant's heart or try your best to get him involved in the process. Explain to him that you have your hands full, but he’s more than welcome to get up and help himself to seconds. 

Photo credit: ©Thinkstock/KatarzynaBialasiewicz

4. Mean-Spirited Martha

Martha loves family holidays. When else does she have the opportunity to criticize so many people at one time? Martha instantly senses out a person’s most profound insecurities and pours salt into the wounds. She picks apart the meal and broadcasts everything that doesn’t meet her standards, scoffs at your ensemble, and even personally attacks you. Martha is flat-out mean.

How to deal with a Mean-Spirited Martha: Martha can't be avoided because she seeks you out. She can't be confronted head-on because she'll only dig her claws in deeper.  She can’t be ignored because her attacks hit hard. What’s left to do?

You need an ally. Find a family member (or a handful of family members) who are kind-hearted and fed up with Martha’s attitude. Agree to be each other’s champion and to speak the truth in the face of lies. When Martha tells your cousin, Anne,  she looks fat, step in by saying, “Actually I was just about to say that Anne looks wonderful tonight, Martha.” 

Photo credit: Pexels

5. Passive-Aggressive Patrick

Patrick’s problem is that he’s passive-aggressive. He disguises his hostility through backhanded compliments and humor, manipulates the people around him through excuses and lies, and loves using guilt trips. He’s slowly ruining everyone’s holidays, but no one can quite put their finger on how.

How to deal with a Passive-Aggressive Patrick: The most significant challenge about dealing with Patrick is identifying what’s happening. Once you can put a name to it, it’s a lot easier to call him out on his behavior.

When he tells a hostile joke, calmly explain you don’t find it funny. When he tries to manipulate you through guilt, just tell him you don’t respond to guilt trips. 

By understanding his passive-aggressive nature, you’ll be able to protect yourself from being victimized. 

Photo credit: ©Thinkstock

6. Loudmouth Lily

Lily, for some reason, never learned how to use her inside voice. She’s always on the verge of screaming, even when you’re right next to her. Everyone can hear every word Lily says. Even the neighbors heard when she asked why your boyfriend dumped you last semester.

How to deal with a Loudmouth Lily: Lily isn’t harmful—She’s just loud. The best thing you can do is to eliminate background noises. Turn down the TV or radio, don’t leave the stand mixer running for too long, and make sure everyone else is using their inside voices. The worst thing you can do is to match her volume. Then it will become a battle to be the loudest. Lastly, also try to keep a little extra space between you and Lily. That’ll take the edge off the volume.

Photo credit: ©Thinkstock

7. Bratty Bobby

Bobby’s parents never believed in discipline, and now Bobby is nothing short of a terror. He’s often found rollerblading through the kitchen, flushing entire paper towel rolls down the toilet, and hiding grandpa’s dentures. 

And while Bobby is just a kid, he’s the thorn in your side at any holiday gathering. The moment he doesn’t get his way, he throws a tantrum like someone five years younger than him. If he’s not having fun, no one else is.

How to deal with a Bratty Bobby: Always be alert. This kid is known to play pranks. Next, don’t cave into his tantrums. He needs to learn that even though his parents might give in when he blubbers, not everyone else will. Lastly, put distance between Bobby and yourself. If he’s throwing a tantrum in the basement, head up to the kitchen. This way, he can’t ruin your holiday.

Photo credit: ©Thinkstock

8. One-Upper Ursula

You just got a raise? Ursula had two raises back-to-back. Expecting your first child? Ursula’s having twins. Ran a marathon? Ursula ran an ultramarathon...on the Great Wall of China. No matter what you bring to the table, Ursula is going to one-up you.

How to deal with a One-Upping Ursula: The most important thing to remember when interacting with Ursula is that the majority of her accomplishments are exaggerated. She’s trying to promote herself, most likely because she’s been told before that she’s not enough. Once you know this, your conversations become a lot less about who’s better. Instead, show her that she’s more than enough. She doesn’t have to strive for her worth. She has value! 

Photo credit: ©Thinkstock/G-stockstudio

9. Negative Nicholas

Nicholas is a regular old Eeyore. He brings his ho-hum attitude to every family gathering, and the constant cloud above his head rains on everyone else. No matter how beautiful the occasion, Nicholas is going to find the downside. 

Dealing with a Negative Nicholas: The best way to combat Nick’s bad attitude is to be overly positive. For every negative comment that comes out of his mouth, try to list a positive. The turkey is dry? Recommend the gravy—it’s delicious! The tree doesn’t have enough ornaments? It leaves more room for the beautiful lights. He doesn’t like his college classes? Remind him that a new semester is just around the corner. Enlist the help of another family member and tag team him with optimism. 

Photo credit: ©Thinkstock/Marjan_Apostolovic

10. Busybody Betty

The first words out of Betty’s mouth when she walks into the house is that she can’t believe the HOA would allow such atrocious Christmas decorations on your street. All she can talk about during dinner is how the world isn’t as safe as it used to be and then shows you Facebook articles to prove her point. And she considers calling the non-emergency police line at least twice during the evening because of the ruckus the Christmas carolers are making. 

How to deal with a Busybody Betty: If Betty’s on your turf, remind her that if anyone’s going to contact the authorities (HOA, the police, or otherwise), it’ll be you. Encourage her to sit back and relax. 

If you’re on Betty’s turf, try your hardest to downplay her concerns. Tell her you love the carolers and that weird inflatable Christmas dinosaur in her neighbor’s yard. Let her complain, and hope there’s little action she can take on Christmas day. 

Photo credit: ©Thinkstock/SIphotography

Lindsey Brady is a brand-new wife and stepmother who loves to spend time in nature or going for long runs. When she's feeling a bit more sedentary, she'll watch an entire season of any Food Network show in a single sitting. You can follow her on Instagram at real.slim.brady.