One Sunday, after being home with our daughter for 18 months, I sat in her bedroom as my three-year-old just sobbed. I remember snapping a picture of her back. The sunlight was coming in through the window and her hair shone.
In the picture you can’t even tell she was crying. It was an Instagram-worthy photo for sure. In that moment, I felt like a fake. Adoption was not all rainbows and sunshine. But God showed me that life doesn’t have to be perfect to be good.
Adoption had grown me. No child is designed to be “ok” after having their parents removed. Another term for this is: “children from hard places.” That’s exactly what we had. Maybe you have a child in your home who comes from hard places as well. It’s not easy, is it? The dailiness of life is a struggle sometimes.
Are you in a season of emptiness or a season filled with struggle?
Have you stayed awake at night wishing to fill the hours with midnight feedings and sitting in the rocking chair? Does the room down the hall stand empty and remind you of the barren heart filling up your chest?
The pain of waiting to adopt with empty arms is a real, physical, emotional, and spiritual pain. There is an emptiness there.
Or, maybe you are an adoptive mom of a child who is struggling. A teen who rebels because she doesn’t know any other choice. Maybe your trauma-filled toddler is experiencing emotional pain he can’t remember, but lashes out on everyone but you.
You are waiting for things to turn around, but life is dark and gray and you are just weary of the fighting. Weariness from the fight has maybe left your heart battered and bruised.
Embrace that God is on your side.
No child or situation is the same, but this one thing I’ve learned about adoption is that God fights for the lonely, and His heart goes out to those without families. He is on your side and in Him you will find the strength, encouragement, and the patience needed for this long journey. (Psalm 68:5-6)
Families like yours are in the front of His mind. When you doubt the calling, question your sanity, or look at the faces of happy families at church, remember this truth: God is on your side even now.
In the middle of the night, as you wake up thinking of the child you long to hold, God is awake singing over you. As the days linger into weeks, months, and even years with your arms empty, God aches with you.
Know that hope is coming.
For years I waited for hope to come. If I could go back, I would tell myself to hang on to the goodness of God’s presence. God never felt so close in my life than during the early years of adoption.
The adoption-living in the last four years has grown my love for God's plan even more. Hope has come because God has shown me His love.
Are you waiting for hope to come? I pray you can keep hope alive. The faithful Father loves you more than you will ever know and the love He has for your children (in your home and those waiting to enter your home) is beyond measure.
I know the weariness you feel in the depths of your soul. I’ve been there in the hard waiting season, and in the difficult season of loving a child from hard place.
If you are in the midst of wondering if it will ever get better, I offer this prayer for you, dear adoptive mom.
A prayer of hope for the adoptive mom:
Dear Father,
I am weary today. The world would like for me to throw in the towel and walk away. My sinful, prideful heart would like the same. Physically I am spent. Emotionally I am torn. Spiritually, my faith is waning. Are You really in the midst of this waiting and heartache? My heart is tired of feeling tired. I am so ready for hope.
My soul is indeed thirsty for good news. Will the social worker call? Will the paperwork make its way to the government office? Will my child sleep through the night? God, in this weary world of adoption, I’m learning to lean into the hope You offer in the midst of the uncertain circumstances.
Teach me to thirst after You, O God. Keep me close to You as I cry my tears in the middle of the night. Wait with me as I fill out the paperwork, and teach me to wait patiently as my child struggles in school.
I pour my soul out to You, O faithful God. You indeed are in charge, but sometimes I feel like a tiny boat in the middle of a stormy sea. I am tossed about in the weariness of this adoption. Steady me. My heart is tired, my body is weary, and my mind is clouded. Be my light in the midst of the darkness.
Allow me to see how my waiting is a gift of time. Let me wait on You and give me courage. Strengthen my heart as I wait. Let me trust You with this time and lean into Your love.
Help me to hope in You. It is You who care for the lonely and set the fatherless into families. It is You who chose to adopt me into Your family. I pray I can keep my eyes focused on the truth of the Bible and the truth of Jesus. The promises of the Word are all true. Give me the strength to hope in this truth today.
Amen.
Sarah Frazer is a mother of five, with three biological children and two adopted from China. She is a writer and Bible study mentor at sarahefrazer.com. Adoption has always been close to her heart, but her passion is to encourage women to get in the Bible. Sarah is also an author of four self-published Bible studies for women. She shares tools for deep-rooted Bible study at sarahefrazer.com. Download her free prayer challenge here.
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