Not "how", but "what"
Rom 8:28: "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose" (NASU).
Our response to painful situations in life demonstrates the level of trust we have in God. This is true in our lives and the lives of our kids. God has told us many times that He allows trials to perfect us and make us more like His Son. Trials are not to be dodged or avoided as much as they are to be endured for the sake of the lesson.
Asking God the right question in the middle of a trial is an expression of your trust in Him. The question should not be, "How am I going to get out of this?", but rather, "What am I going to get out of this?" By changing "how" to "what", you illustrate your dependence on Him to teach you and your willingness to learn.
Teach your kids to substitute an attitude of "what can I learn?" for "how can I escape?" when they face trials.