I Used to Like Being Single...What Happened?
- Thursday, October 10, 2013
EDITOR'S NOTE: He Said-She Said is a biweekly advice column for singles featuring a question from a Crosswalk.com reader with responses from a male and female point of view. If you've got a question about anything related to singleness or living the single life, please submit it to firstname.lastname@example.org (selected questions will be posted anonymously).
QUESTION: Here's my situation: I never wanted to get married. Ever since I was young, I always thought it was God's will for me to be single. I never lamented my singleness. I enjoyed hanging out with guys and even had a few crushes, but never anything serious. A few months ago, an older woman at church tried to set me up with the son of a couple who attends our church. He had come to church occasionally, but I never noticed him before. The "matchmaker" claimed that he was interested in me but was too shy to ask me for my phone number, so I gave it to her to give to him. This young man's and my parents' attend the same Bible study and were very excited that we might "be a match."
After a few weeks, he finally called to ask me out. We went dancing and had a great time. The next weekend, I invited him to go to an opera and we had a great time again. A few days later we went for a long walk where he suddenly started asking questions like, "So what are you looking for in a guy?" and "Do you ever want to get married?" I answered these questions by saying, "I've always felt that God has meant for me to be single, but I'm open to God changing my heart." The next week, he went on a mission trip and I texted him to say that I would pray for him. After he got back, I texted him to find out how the trip went; he called me to say that the trip was good and that he would tell me all about it next time we saw each other. Two days later, he texted me, "Hi, how are you?" I replied, "Fine. You?" That's the last I've heard from him.
One week later: no response. I wasn't too worried about it when the "matchmaker" told me that he had told her that I was "too bold and independent and that there were lots of red flags about me as a potential wife." I was horrified! We have talked at most 4 hours, so how can he claim to know me as a person? Secondly, although I knew our parents secretly were hoping we would hit it off, I was just trying to get to know him as a friend. The fact he dismissed me as "wife material" after seeing me 3 times seems absurd. As a sister in Christ, I am disappointed that he's not even interested in being my friend.
Here's my predicament: should I confront him about the things he divulged to the "matchmaker?" I would like to call him out on the claim of "knowing someone" after 3 outings! I am a very shy person and don't share things quickly, so he doesn't truly know me. Also, God has been changing my heart over the past month and I was definitely becoming interested in him as a potential-more-than-friend. I know that a guy is supposed to do the pursuing of a woman, but I feel that he is tossing me out before really knowing me. Should I just accept that he's not interested and move on? Or should I prayerfully pursue him? I miss being contented with singleness!
Although his assessment of you seems rather hasty, formulating a conclusion after just three times together, I would venture to say he may have given you more time than most would in today’s world.
I am not in any way condoning his response, specifically his short-sighted evaluation or his way of dealing with the situation, but many of us seem to make the same kinds of judgments of others with even less factual information.
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