Find out what's fueling his desire. Sometimes kids (and adults) crave possessions to fulfill an emotional need. If you notice that your son, who never used to care about games as much as his friends did, suddenly wants a PlayStation 2, talk with him about why that toy is appealing. If the answer is just that his two best friends both have one, you can have a simple conversation about the fact that it's okay to like different toys than the rest of the crowd. Or help him figure out whether he's afraid his friends won't like him if he doesn't have the same games they do.
Show how to give to others. Coleman advises exposing children to altruistic activities. "The real opposite of materialism is spirituality," he says. "Try to do something with your child that's focused on giving to others in a way that he can see." Take him with you to bring dinner to a sick neighbor or to volunteer in a soup kitchen. That kind of activity can foster an attitude that will help counter materialism more powerfully than almost anything else.
Spend time rather than money on your kids. It's not easy in our hectic lives to give children the time and attention they crave, but that's the best way to ward off the "gimmes." "If Mom and Dad are always busy, then the kids will retreat to their toys and TV and Nintendo, which is all materialism," says Coleman. "Kids have to have something, namely a family life, to replace that." So try not to give your child things as a substitute for spending time with him. And make an effort to spend time together doing things that don't cost anything -- go to the soccer field and the library, take nature walks and bike rides, play a game of charades. No matter what your child says, he wants -- and needs -- a secure sense of family more than a roomful of possessions.
Michele Borba, Ed.D. is an internationally-recognized consultant on increasing children’s self-esteem and achievement and is the author of 18 publications including her recent book Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essential Virtues that Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing, Jossey-Bass 2001 and Parents Do Make A Difference: How to Raise Kids with Solid Character, Strong Minds, and Caring Hearts. Information on her publications and seminars can be accessed through her Web sites, www.moralintelligence.com www.parentingbookmark.com