Teach your kids flexible thinking. Show your kids how to be flexible when things don’t go their way. Help them emphasize the positive aspects of a situation and quickly release their disappointment, rather than letting anger overtake them. Think out loud as you deal with frustrating scenarios in your own life, so your kids can get to know your thought processes as you approach various situations with flexibility. Emphasize these points when encouraging your kids to develop flexible thinking: Relying on God to help them handle daily challenges, putting things into proper perspective, letting the little things go, thinking of others ahead of themselves, and considering a different point of view. Work with your kids to create a short list of flexible thoughts that they can memorize and put to work whenever they encounter a frustrating situation. Consider such thoughts as: “It’s no big deal,” “Even though I lost, I still had fun,” “Everyone makes mistakes,” and “I can handle it.”

Show your kids how to solve problems. If any of your kids are age 7 or older, teach them problem solving skills so they can resist urge to act rudely when confronted with frustrating situations. First, have them stop to calm down for a few moments. Second, have them think of as many possible solutions to the problem as they can. Third, decide which solution (or combination of solutions) will work best. Come up with an action plan and encourage them to try the plan. Evaluate the outcome and make any adjustments that are necessary if the problem wasn’t solved the first time. If you’re in a rush and can’t work through all these steps with your kids, do “problem solving on the go.” First, make an empathetic comment that shows you understand the problem your kids are facing and care about how it’s affecting them (for example, “Honey, I know it’s hard to stop playing when you’re having so much fun.”) Then work with your kids to answer the question: “What’s a good idea for how we can handle this?”.  Let your kids suggest possible solutions, and contribute some yourself if they get stuck. Avoid arguments if some of their solutions are unreasonable. Simply stay calm and focused on finding a solution together.

Motivate your kids to be enthusiastic about respectful behavior. Help your kids understand that respectful behavior always turns out better than disrespectful behavior. Show them that acting respectfully can actually be fun and lead to privileges they can enjoy. Instead of focusing on the wrong behavior that you want your kids to stop doing, focus on the right behavior that you want them to start doing. Realize that if you emphasize what your kids do wrong, they’ll think of themselves as people who are expected to act rudely, and continue to do so. But if you emphasize what they do right, they’ll be inspired to act respectfully more often. Show your kids the connection between the respect they demonstrate and the privileges they earn. Help them understand that everything you and your spouse give them beyond their basic needs is a privilege, and that when they’re disrespectful, they lose privileges, but when they act respectfully, they gain privileges. Occasionally give your kids a surprise extra reward (such as a trip to an ice cream parlor) to recognize especially respectful behavior.