Second, get support. More and more groups are forming to offer support for grandparents raising their grandchildren. You’ll be amazed at how good it feels to be with others who are facing your same challenges.

Third, maintain healthy boundaries. Just because your daughter and ex-son-in-law struggle with boundaries doesn’t mean you have to. The fact that their lives are chaotic means your must be especially stable. You must find ways to be of help to your grandchildren but not get caught up in the family difficulties. Even if tempted, or manipulated, hold firm to your boundaries.

Fourth, create stability for yourself and the children. As I said above, part and parcel of healthy boundaries means creating stability for you and the children. Do this by living your life and inviting your daughter to be part of it, along with your grandchildren. Enjoy and celebrate your grandchildren, remembering the powerful impact you are having on their welfare. While your daughter and grandchildren need you desperately, you must maintain a life separate from them. Be sure to keep time for your marriage as well as personal time. It is out of your health and wellness that you can effectively give to others.

Fifth, hold your family in prayer. Each precious member of your family needs God’s protection and grace. We must always guard against believing we are, or must be, the complete answer to others’ problems. But we aren't and we can't be. God is in control.

I would like to hear from others who are raising, or caring for their grandchildren, or have experienced “boomerang” children. What helps and what hurts?

David Hawkins, Ph.D., is the founder of the Marriage Recovery Center. He has worked with couples and families to improve the quality of their lives by resolving personal issues for the last 30 years. He is the author of over 18 books, including Love Lost: Living Beyond a Broken Marriage,    Saying It So He'll Listen, and  When Pleasing Others Is Hurting You. His newest books are titled  The Relationship Doctor's Prescription for Healing a Hurting Relationship and  The Relationship Doctor's Prescription for Living Beyond Guilt.  Dr. Hawkins grew up in the beautiful Pacific Northwest and lives with his wife on the South Puget Sound where he enjoys sailing, biking, and skiing. He has active practices in two Washington cities.