How Do We Reconnect?

During transitional phases, Eric and I usually exeperience disconnection in our marriage because of physical and emotional exhaustion. Eric needs space to process and get used to the new norm of life. I, on the other hand, need him even more during those times to listen to me verbally process life. I need him to pray with me more as I share my concerns. 

The first few times this transition scenario presented itself in our marriage, I emotionally chased after him, and he kept pushing me away trying to find the space he needed. Now, I have learned to spot the signals of this situation and give him the space he needs. And guess what? We engage faster when I allow him time and space! 

Identifying the reasons behind feeling disengaged from your spouse can help you navigate the situation successfully. Instead of soaking up hurt feelings or blaming your spouse, you can work together on the heart of the issue. 

If you are the one who has pulled away from your spouse, consider the reasons, ask your spouse to forgive you and begin to make the changes necessary to reconnect. Perhaps you need to sit down together and plan out a balanced schedule. The solution may include finding ways to more efficiently use your time so you have more time with the Lord, your spouse, or even more alone time to recharge your batteries.

If you feel that your spouse has disconnected from you, pray about the source of the disconnect and see how you can help your spouse with their “full plate” issue. Again, seek the source of the disconnection and sit down together to solve the problem as a team.

Life is always going to be full; full of joys, hardships, changes and new things. Learning to manage the fullness of life together will enable you both to experience life at its best with a marriage that is wholly and happily engaged!

Published June 4, 2009.