Second, beware of conflict-avoidance. After seeing your parents divorce, it is not unusual to run from conflict altogether. You may find yourself burying unpleasant feelings or opinions, for example, because you simply don’t want to face the potentially unpleasant consequences. This, of course, is not at all healthy. Genuine, enjoyable relationships require authenticity. And experiencing disagreements or conflicts from time to time does not mean you are doomed to have difficult relationships. Quite the contrary. Conflict, when faced squarely and resolved with understanding, can actually deepen your sense of intimacy with someone. So steer clear of conflict avoidance and take care to be real.
Finally, watch for sagging self-confidence. It is only natural for your self-image to take a few blows in the midst of your parent’s divorce. You may have even suffered a serious depression at one time because of it. And even as an adult, the residue of pain from the break-up still remains. You know it wasn’t your fault-that a parent leaves a marriage because of unhappiness with a spouse, not with a child-but you will have times when you feel stigmatized, defective, or even worthless because your family is not together. You can count on it. So be on the watch. Don’t allow irrational thinking to creep back into your head and discount your worth.
The past does not have to dictate the present or the future. Studies affirm that those who grew up with divorce can build healthy, happy, and strong relationships of their own. No doubt about it. And coming to terms with the aftermath of your suffering, as well as being on the lookout for issues of anger management, conflict-avoidance, and a sagging self-confidence, are like an insurance policy against repeating the patterns you fear the most.
The eHarmony Research Library is a branch of eHarmony.com™, North America's most successful Relationship Building Service. Our precise technology searches a database of 500,000 persons to find truly compatible matches. Then, eHarmony's guided communication system helps you meet and get to know each other in an appropriate, in-depth manner. Click HERE to learn more about eHarmony.
