The third divine lyric of friendship is a commitment to hurting our mate when he or she is in sin.

Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy (Prov. 27:6).

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another (Prov. 27:17).

Developing a best friendship marriage is not only based on love, but also on speaking the truth (see Eph. 4:15).  All forms of deceit and lying must be abandoned.  Best friends do not ignore sin.  The wounds of a “sticky friend” create a healing as well as a sharpening.

At this point, a few cautions are in order.  The “faithful wounds of a friend” are normally the words we share with our mates.  So the following notes must temper them or marital friendships will disintegrate into marital disputes.

An anxious heart weighs a person down, but a kind word cheers him up (Prov. 12:25).
A wise person’s heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote persuasiveness.  Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones (Prov. 16:23-24).

The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things (Prov. 15:28).

Not only must our words be tempered, but also the timing of our words.

A person finds joy in a fitting answer, and how delightful is a timely word (Prov. 15:23).

Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances (Prov. 25: 11).

The one who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him (Prov. 27:14).

Added to all of this, there are also some sour notes that seek to rush in and destroy the sweet song of marital friendship:

A perverse person stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates intimate friends (Prov. 16:28).

The one who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates intimate friends (Prov. 17:9).

So if you want to become best friends in your marriage, try adding the following sweet notes to God’s lyrics:

• First and foremost, embrace Jesus Christ who is our ultimate Sticky Friend--love and obey Him as one of His disciples.  Ask Him to make you best friends with your mate.
  
  
• Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.  You are My friends if you do what I command you.  No longer do I call you slaves.  For the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you (John 15:13-15).
  
  
• Go back and replay your falling-in-love days, when you and your mate first became best friends.  Schedule a date.  Talk to each other.  Listen to each other.  Play, laugh, and dream again.  Read the Bible and pray together.
  
  
• Always ask God to give you the right wording and timing when you need to “speak the truth in love” with your mate.  “Wounding” is always remedial, never punitive.
  
  
• Link up with another couple who are also trying to develop into “sticky friends.”  Spend time together.  Share ideas.  Encourage each other.  Read the Bible and pray together.

© 2003 Christian Family Life

Two Becoming One publications and small group resources help couples understand God's purposes, principles and provisions for marriage.  Many key concepts in Two Becoming One are taught in the popular FamilyLife Ministry marriage seminars.


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