These positive attitudes form the “door” to marital communication through which husbands and wives must enter if they hope to resolve their differences.

2. Establish an Atmosphere of Mutual Vulnerability and Transparency

“For I wrote out of great distress and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of my love for you.” (2 Corinthians 2:4)

Vulnerability is the ability to share one’s innermost feelings, thoughts, concerns, and aspirations without fear of rejection. Before differences can be resolved, both spouses must be able to trust each other enough to openly share without being put down or scolded.

This requires transparency — showing an honesty and openness in disclosing events, opinions, and feelings. If one spouse is truly transparent, the other will feel trusted and loved as well as respected. Being vulnerable says, “I respect and trust you enough to be transparent.” Transparency says, “I love you” and “I need you.”

3. Become Effective Listeners

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” (James 1:19)

When trying to resolve our conflicts, rather than listening we often tend to fall into one of these traps:

• Planning our answer before our spouse is done talking

• Selectively hearing what only sounds right to us

• Coming into the conversation with our judgments already made

However, proper listening resolves differences by clarifying what our spouse is really feeling and saying. Consider these characteristics of effective listening:

• Creating a non-threatening environment of understanding.