4. Speak the Truth in Love

“Speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into Him who is the Head, that is, Christ.” (Ephesians 4:15)

Speaking the truth in love requires discipline and a true desire for redemption. Here are a few points to keep in mind when speaking the truth in love:

• Your goal should be to restore your spouse.

• Your motivation should be to gain understanding.

• Avoid cutting remarks that could start the “insult cycle.”

• Try to keep your emotions under control.

• Be a good listener by stopping and restating your spouse’s argument.

• Make sure to pick a private place and optimal time for communicating.

• Work toward prompt resolution and do not let the conflict linger.

5. Be Willing to Forgive

“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” (Matthew 6:14)

Giving and receiving forgiveness is a nonnegotiable issue in resolving conflict and creating better communication with your spouse. Your ability to forgive your spouse is directly related to your spouse’s ability to rebound from conflict and sin and also to forgive you.

When you say, “I just can’t forgive you for what you did,” what you really mean is, “I choose not to forgive you.” Forgiveness is an act of the will based on faith in Christ.

When your spouse wrongs you, immediately entrust yourself to the Lord. Seek His perspective on the matter. Leave revenge to the Lord (Romans 12:14–20).

Remember, every marriage encounters conflict. In this conflict we have an opportunity to choose to trust God and His principles – leading to redemption and resolution – or to trust our own human instincts – leading to continued pain and desolation.

Copyright 2003 Christian Family Life