For better or worse;

for richer or poorer;

in sickness and in health;

to love and to cherish;

til’ death do us part ...

What special memories come to mind when you read these words? Do the sights, sounds and smells of your wedding day come flooding back? Have those memories faded because of a deteriorating marriage, or are they still vibrant because you’ve committed your lives to each other?

Renewing love keeps your marriage fresh and allows each spouse to continue learning about the other even after decades of marriage. Let’s think of a marriage on the spectrum between a bouquet of roses and a rose bush. A bouquet of roses is beautiful for a period of time, but soon the roses wither and die. But a rose bush, given time, water and fertilizer, will continue blooming for years. A marriage with renewing love woven into its structure is like this rose bush.

Barb and I are constantly searching for clues as to why many marriages remain strong through the years while others crumble. You’ve seen them, the couples in their 80s walking hand-in-hand, laughing, talking, even after decades of marriage. So what do couples this late in life have to say about remaining committed to each other?

Here are the kinds of responses we’ve heard:

“Gary and Barb, we take time daily to listen to each other and learn what the other has experienced that day.”

“It’s a little embarrassing, but Barney’s taught me that when I meet his sexual needs, he feels valued. When he prays with me, I feel so safe. When I spend time with him, he makes me feel like a million bucks!”

“Mildred often reminds me that my words of belief in her are the only words – next to God’s – she really needs to hear. So I learned to speak up. We’ve been married fifty-four years, and I think the marriage is going to take!”