A Call to Change Focus

Let’s be honest: one great temptation of singleness is an unrelenting self-focus. We need to be reminded to look outside of our circumstances and ourselves. I chose this Valentine’s Day story for that specific reason, even though it’s not a remarkable story of outreach or investment. In fact, it’s rather ordinary. But it strikes at the heart of a common temptation, don’t you think? If Valentine’s Day is hard because we think everyone else is out celebrating their romances (which isn’t as common among married couples as we’d like to speculate), then we can turn our gaze inward and start pondering that gray blob of self-pity. We translate singleness into loneliness.

When those temptations come, those are grace moments. That’s when we need to literally, out loud, ask for God’s grace to respond differently. In those moments, I have a mental picture of our Father peering intensely at us with a big encouraging smile — the way that parents do as a child is just starting to walk: “Come on, come on — you can do it! Ask Me for the power to respond differently. Take the next step. Hold out your hand and ask Me for help.” Our Father is ready and willing to give us all we need to step out. His outpouring of grace is not dependent on our requests, but it’s a wonderful exercise to ask Him.

To encounter loneliness through the eyes of faith is to see opportunities to minister love. Grace translates singleness into outreach. There are plenty of people on Valentine’s Day or other holidays, parties or weddings — single and married — who need someone to carry God’s love to them. With this perspective, let’s resolve when we next feel lonely or awkward, to use those emotions to remind us that others nearby may be feeling the same way. As Proverbs 31:20 says about the woman of noble character: “She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.” There are three spiritual benefits to serving the poor and needy around us: 1) it glorifies God and blesses others, 2) it builds our local churches, and 3) it’s a great antidote to self-pity. 

This is also a convicting verse because we can’t overlook its importance in our witness to a watching world. James 2:14-20 (ESV) is point-blank about the implications of faith without good works:

What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him?  If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. But someone will say, “You have faith and I have works.” Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works.  You believe that God is one; you do well. Even the demons believe — and shudder!  Do you want to be shown, you foolish person, that faith apart from works is useless?