However, the kinds of corrections that can damage our relationships are petty, selfish, or controlling. Here's an example:

I was leading a round-table discussion at a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group. One of the women said, "I'm so upset with my husband! Just before I left the house this morning, he was taking the laundry out of the dryer and was folding the towels all wrong! I've shown him how to do it a hundred times, but he never gets it right!"

I formed a "time-out T" with my hands and said, "Whoa Nellie, you're forgetting the big picture. . . . He's doing laundry! My husband hasn't washed a load of towels since Nixon was president." I took a survey of the other women, and only one of them had a hubby who was laundry literate.

"You have a jewel of a husband!" I said. "Next time he's folding towels, no matter how crooked they are, I think you should give him a big kiss and a 'Thank you!'"

Do you remember the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf? If we whine about every little thing, our spouses will tune us out. Then when something serious is troubling us, they won't hear us.

Our words have the power to heal and the power to destroy, so we must choose them carefully. Make it a goal to find five things to compliment or thank your mate for each day. You will be amazed at the power of praise. "So then, let's aim for harmony....and try to build each other up" (Romans 14:19 NLT)

If we guard against the negative verbal foxes and keep our vineyards safe and healthy, the fruits of our marriage will be sweet and tender.


Adapted from Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome: How to Grow Affair Proof Hedges Around Your Marriage (Kregel Publications 2004)

Nancy C. Anderson and her husband of 26 years, live in Orange County California with their teenage son.  If you would like more information about Nancy's book, affair proofing your marriage, or the Andersons speaking at your couples' event, visit www.RonAndNancyAnderson.com.