I should have. But because I didn't, I sent him a signal that I was unguarded. We both began to look for excuses to be together. If I'd not responded to his flirtations, I would have avoided the biggest regret of my life.
Coworkers sometimes work on projects or solve problems together, and the resulting closeness can build teamwork -- but it can also build a feeling of intimacy. If you feel an attraction to someone in your office, consider a transfer to a different department, a different position, or maybe you should quit. No job is more valuable than your marriage. I knew that I could not continue to work with Jake without being tempted, so I quit my job the same day I confessed my affair to my husband.
Be honest with yourself. If you're dressing to please someone at else or lingering in the parking lot hoping that person will ask you to lunch, stop now, before you've gone too far. If you're in doubt as to what conduct is inappropriate, ask yourself, Would I do this in front of my spouse? And if you're still not sure, ask yourself, Would I do it in front of the Lord? (You are, you know.) Here is a simple rule to keep you on the straight and narrow: If you'd have to hide it or lie about it -- don't do it!
The key to growing effective guarding hedges is to be honest about your weaknesses, both as individuals and as a couple. Set up distinct boundaries and enforce them. If your spouse reminds you of the rules, don't be defensive or point out your mate's faults; accept his or her correction because it's for the greater good of the marriage. Some of the most difficult phrases to say -- you're right and I'm sorry -- can save your marriage -- and your love.
When Secret Service agents guard the President, they regard the President's life as more important than their own individual lives. Guard your marriages in the same way. You may be required to sacrifice part of your individual life -- hobbies, profession, TV time, computer time, sports activities -- to strengthen your marriage. If you're both willing to make your marriage a priority, however, and guard it from internal and external dangers, your home will be a safe haven.
1 Thess. 4:3 "It is God's will that you should be holy; that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like those who do not know God." (NIV)
Adapted from Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome: How to Grow Affair Proof Hedges Around Your Marriage (Kregel Publications 2004)
Nancy C. Anderson and her husband of 27 years, live in Orange County, California with their teenage son. If you would like more information about Nancy's book, affair proofing your marriage, or the Andersons speaking at your couples' event, visit www.RonAndNancyAnderson.com.
Read more articles by author Nancy C. Anderson:
"Small Stuff" Can Ruin Our Families
Forgiving the Unforgivable: Adultery
Five Creative Dates for Couples
Have You Lost that Lovin' Feelin'?
Can a Christian Marriage Survive an Affair?
Avoid the 'Greener Grass' Syndrome: Water Your Own Marriage
Is Your Home a Danger Zone for Your Marriage?
The Parable of the Coffee Filter
