That’s simple to say, but harder to live. There are two challenges with this concept: 1) There’s more than one heart involved, and 2) Our culture is entirely at odds with the biblical standards that we will look at in this column.

So how do we break it down? Let’s go to the end of this verse and work backwards. “All the days of her life” is a translation of a Hebrew idiom that means “constantly, all the time,” similar to our modern phrase, “24/7.” But to be that constant after the wedding means we are building on a foundation of the days before. So in these days before, we have to evaluate our actions and plans in the context of what will ensure good, not harm, for our future husbands. We have to consider what will bring him gain, or as the New International Version translates it, that he lacks nothing of value. This is the bedrock of trust.

I think the key here is found in the first noun, heart. The Hebrew for this word is leb, also used figuratively for the feelings, the will, and even the intellect. The biblical view of the heart is not the intense intoxication of romantic passion as we view it today. Leb means more than subjective attraction or ardor. Our feelings are only one-third of the package; the other parts are the will and the mind, which are usually far more objective. As much as our culture is currently concerned with how we feel about various things, Scripture is more concerned with how our feelings should be governed by what we know to be truth about God. (Isn’t it amazing that the Psalms so consistently end with praise to God no matter where they begin?) So if you find matters of the heart to be confusing and arbitrary, this is actually good news! The Bible is telling us that we have more tools to work with in romance and friendship than our culture would tell us.

In the middle of a series of articles about beauty and fitness in a women’s magazine, I once found this important nugget:

“Despite the conventional wisdom, being married boosts happiness only one-tenth of a point on an 11-point scale, and most people are no more satisfied with life after marriage than they were before, says Richard Lucas, Ph.D., a psychologist at Michigan State University in East Lansing who analyzed 15 years’ worth of data on 24,000 people. Although happiness rises after exchanging vows, most people return to their pre-marriage level within two years. (The same is true for people who win the lottery.) ‘People need to have realistic expectations,’ Lucas says. But if your marriage does not bring everlasting happiness, he adds, ‘it does not mean it’s not a good one.’”

Only two years of wedded bliss after all that fuss and scheming to get there?! We shouldn’t be surprised; this mainstream study confirms what we read throughout the Bible. God has designed us to find our ultimate fulfillment in Him, not in anything He’s created. Therefore, it’s not surprising to read that the author of this study found out that “people are no more satisfied with life after marriage than they were before,” and that he cautions readers to “have realistic expectations.” A realistic expectation of what or whom is merely left to the reader’s inference.