Our culture uses this phrase a lot – “realistic expectations.” But, really, what’s a “realistic” expectation? In some ways, I think that’s the secular counterpart to the Christian phrase, “guard your heart.” We casually toss those phrases around, and we freely give them as advice to one another. But they have a way of stopping a meaningful conversation short, as though everyone involved knows exactly what it means to have realistic expectations or guard your heart. If we did know, the lucrative self-help publishing industry wouldn’t exist. The truth is, relationships are messy. They require risk. But the Bible doesn’t leave us in the dark here. In matters of the heart (whether or not we get married) there are four perspectives to consider:

• Ourselves
• Our husbands
• Our “brothers”
• Our unions

When we examine romance through these four perspectives, I think we’ll see how we can live wisely all the days of our lives, and earn the trust of our future husbands. In this column, we’ll look at the first point, and in future columns we’ll explore the last three points. (By the way, this topic is a tough one for me. I’ve learned a lot in recent years – mostly the hard way – so I need to rely on a “multitude of counselors” for their wisdom and their pithy quotes. The good news is that I’ve done all the reading for you!)

Guard Your Heart

Proverbs 4:23 (ESV) says, “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” The King James Version translates it as, “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” Here, “issues” doesn’t mean the disparaging way we use the word now – “He’s got issues!” Rather, this phrase in Hebrew alludes to geographic boundaries or source, as in water. Like the mountain spring that’s the source of a mighty river, the heart is the source for all the operations of human life, and we’re commanded to “keep it” (guard, protect, maintain it) with all vigilance (watchfulness).  In the area of romance, this means we have some work to do – or we will end up with some issues!

I remember talking to my pastor as a new believer, wondering why everyone always talked about “guarding your heart.” This was an intriguing phrase to me. I didn’t know why it mattered to anyone if I was or wasn’t “guarding my heart.” I’d already survived several broken romances by the time I became a Christian, so I wasn’t concerned about handing my heart to someone new. I was a seasoned dating veteran. But my pastor wisely pointed out that with each dashed relationship, I was dinging my heart. By the time I got married, I would be handing my husband a fairly scarred, dented heart, complete with the bitter memories of how each injury occurred. This was his elementary advice for a new convert, but there was still much more for me to learn.