When I queried my daughters about their reasons for pushing me away, many of these answers came tumbling out. So we had some long and important conversations about my God-assigned role in their lives. We discussed why rejecting my influence was displeasing to God and would be to their detriment. I told them again and again how much I loved them and that I was eager to be their friend.

We had these conversations repeatedly over a period of time, until by God’s grace my daughters’ hearts began to turn toward me. Communication — constant talking — was indispensable in building a friendship with them. (We’ll look at five characteristics of effective communication next time.)

Nicole and Kristin also admitted that they disliked Afternoon Out because it frequently included correction of some kind. They were right. What I had intended to be a time for making fun mother-daughter memories had become a discipline session. So I needed to make a change. Humbly admitting that I was wrong was an entryway into my daughters’ hearts.

Daughters with Closed Hearts

Let me address a specific group of women for a moment — those who fear that the doors of their daughters’ hearts may have closed forever. Maybe they are grown and gone, or are still at home and yet seemingly their hearts are out of reach. If only I had heard these truths when my daughters were younger, you lament. Maybe things would have turned out differently. But now you fear it is too late.

This couldn’t be further from the truth. There is always hope. We serve a faithful God whose steadfast love never ceases and whose mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning (Lam. 3:22-23). Our Lord’s faithfulness should give you renewed courage and resolve to approach your daughter again.

Go in humility. Invite her to share her grievances. Ask for her forgiveness. Demonstrate God’s love to her in spite of her resistance. Although this may not be easy, you can trust that God will reward your efforts as a mother. He will receive glory from your faith and obedience to Him, and you will be a shining example of biblical womanhood to your daughter.

Make Your Relationship a High Priority

Finally, in order to bridge the moat that our daughters may have built (or to keep them from building one), we must make the mother-daughter relationship one of our highest priorities. After our relationship with God and our husbands, nothing should receive more attention, focus, and time.

Moms, please be wise with your expectations. I can tell you now that developing a friendship with your daughter will take some time. When my daughters became teenagers, the changes in them caught me (and other moms I know) by surprise. I quickly realized that the serene days of childhood were over. This was a whole new ballgame. I began to see that I needed to devote significantly more time to my daughters. So I pared down my schedule to create opportunities to talk and be available when my girls wanted to talk.