The first concept I note here is the humility of Jesus in calling a broad range of sinful people His family. We have been adopted into His family because we are fellow sinners reconciled to God through what Jesus accomplished for us on the Cross. Thus, by grace, we are enabled to do the will of our Father in heaven. The second concept I take away from this passage is that this is how I can relate to each of my brothers. I can point them back to the will of our Father, thereby helping them bear fruit that glorifies God.  I’ve found I can apply this concept in three ways:
      

• Observe them. In order to be intentional as a sister, I must take note of the men the Father has put in my life, from colleagues to Bible study members to church friends. It’s fun to observe the men we’re interested in, but it takes more effort to study and take note of other men. If we resolve to observe all of our brothers, then we easily can do the next two steps.
  
  
• Encourage them. It’s not always effortless to do the will of the Father, especially in our current culture. But how refreshing to the soul it is to receive a timely word of “well done.” There’s a fine line between encouragement and flattery. If you are faithful to encourage many men, especially in the hearing of others, you will not confuse anyone about your intentions. For me, these two steps require that I shut my mouth in group contexts, and sit back to study what God is doing at that moment in the men around me. Often, I will find many things to comment on later -- from hearing a more reserved man bringing up a good point in a Bible study, to seeing a busy man offer to help someone move. Encouragement keeps people from growing weary in doing good deeds. Let’s be faithful to look for these reflections of God’s grace in these men’s lives and to comment on them as we see them doing the will of the Father.
  
  
• Seek to see them conformed – not to your preferences, but to the image of Christ. This is what Doug was encouraging me to do. It’s not so much an active process, but an active concern. Our motivation should be care and concern when someone is not doing the will of the Father, and to humbly bring what we’ve observed and our questions about it (not judgments) to our brothers. 

It’s tempting as singles to simply avoid those people who irritate us or whose sin or weaknesses always seem to spill out whenever we’re around. But that’s not carrying a concern to see our brothers (and sisters) in the Lord grow and mature in Christ. If there’s something we don’t understand or that offends us, we should ask kindly about it, motivated by an understanding that we don’t know or see everything related to the situation. We should also trust that the Holy Spirit is the one who brings conviction for change, so our observations should initially and continually be in our prayers. Galatians 6:1 says, “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.”

We are called to restore one another gently, not ignore one another. Let’s not excuse ourselves from the family just because we’re single. If we are to marry, it will be a temporary gift for this life. But our brothers in the Lord will be with us for an eternity, so that should inform how we relate to all the men we don’t marry.

Carolyn McCulley handles church and ministry relations for Sovereign Grace Ministries and is a member of Covenant Life Church in Gaithersburg, MD. This column is adapted from her book, "Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? Trusting God with a Hope Deferred." (Used by permission of Crossway Books, a division of Good News Publishers, Wheaton, IL 60187). Carolyn welcomes your comments at info@carolynmcculley.com. Or visit her website or blog.

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