4. Avoid spending time with them.

• "I've got only two days to finish this report, so no, I can't go see your play."

• "Do you think money grows on trees? I've got to work."

• "See if your mother will take you. I don't have time for this."

5. Disrespect their individuality.

• "I said, don't lock the bathroom. I may need in there to comb my hair."

• "I'm your father. I know what's best for you."

• "I don't care how many of your friends are going. You're not, and I don't want to know your reasons."

• "Don't be silly. They'll like your hairstyle."

Other parental actions likely to close a teen's heart include the following:

• Speaking harsh words

• Telling your son that his opinions don't matter

• Being unwilling to admit mistakes

• Taking your daughter for granted

• Not trusting your son

• Forcing your teen to do something with which he's uncomfortable

• Being rude to him in front of others

• Dismissing her needs as unimportant

How can you tell if these or other things have caused your child's heart to close? It can be difficult to discern a closed heart because the typical manifestations are usually present to some degree during normal adolescence — things like lengthy periods of silence, avoiding eye contact, and resisting touch. When a teenager's attitude or behavior changes drastically and seemingly overnight, however, or he begins to display some of the more rebellious kinds of actions, you need to look carefully for a closed heart. Here are the most common signs of a closed heart:

• Your teen develops an argumentative attitude.

• Your teen seeks friends who are the opposite of the kind you desire for him or her.

• Your teen swears or uses disrespectful language.

• Your teen's facial expressions begin to reflect anger or avoidance.

• Your teen is resistant to discussing or agreeing on almost anything.

• When touching your teen's hand, it's often cold and unresponsive.