"We're better at talking than listening," Dad admitted, the edge to his voice having faded.

"And Jason, you can show respect to your parents by listening to them even when you don't agree. That's showing respect."

He bobbed his head.

Dad raised his eyebrows and smiled at Jason.

"And the second L represents Lead by example."

Dad shifted in the couch and rearranged the pillow.

"If we're going to CHILL and not set each other off and overreact, we need to set the pace as parents. Children need calm parents, not stressed-out models of mania. They need to see adults demonstrating behaviors to emulate, including concern for each other, willingness to be humble and ask forgiveness, and acceptance of responsibility without blaming. If you blow it, say, ‘I'm sorry, my bad.' We don't have to be perfect, but we do have to be authentic."

Consistent

Halt

Informed

Listen and

Lead by example

Our culture has successfully imprinted on our brains that "more is better." You need more stuff. You need more experiences. Your children require more enrichment. It's like we live our lives with a calculator that only has the plus sign; we're constantly adding to our lives without subtracting.

After I spoke on this subject in San Diego, a man introduced himself: "We were talking about this at work this week, and about how we're caught up in a culture of ‘a little more.' We decided it's not always good. In fact, we now have a saying, ‘A little more is the enemy of good.'"

"Explain that to me."

"Sometimes, when we're working, we try to do too much. It starts with the compulsion to do a little more, and it can often risk all the work we've done. Sometimes we need to settle for good, and just say, ‘Good enough.'"

"Great point. What was that saying again?"

"A little more is the enemy of good."

"Thanks. An excellent motto. What kind of work are you in?"

"I'm a surgeon."

I became nervous at the mere thought. I wouldn't want a surgeon trying to do too much on me; I want him to do a good job, not a heroic job. I want this guy, the one who'd discovered that a little more is the enemy of good.

I'm not saying we should slack off and do sloppy work. I am saying that more is not always better.

Discussion Questions 

Parent to Parent

1. What is the difference between building a relationship and growing one?

2. Review CHILL. What are some ways to grow these qualities as a parent?

3. How can we know when "enough is enough"?

4. In what ways could a blessing demonstrate to our children that we are putting first things first?

Parent and Child

1. Do you know (or know of) some overscheduled kids? What are their lives like?

2. Parents are to be honored and kids are to be loved; how does this look on an average day

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Excerpted from: Connecting With Your Kids by Timothy Smith. Copyright © 2005; ISBN 076420131X. Published by Bethany House Publishers. Used by permission. Unauthorized duplication prohibited.

Timothy Smith is a family coach, speaker, president of Life Skills for American Families, and the author of several books, including Letters to Nicole and The Seven Cries of Today's Teens. He is a research fellow with the George H. Gallup International Institute and a radi commentator. Tim and his wife have two young-adult daughters and live in Southern California.