• Notice and encourage the good things about your mate. Make it a point to see the small things they do every day that is worthy of praise;

• Listen carefully and encourage your mate to talk about the hidden hurts and fears in their life;

• Refuse to carry grudges. Insist on small issues remaining small, not allowing them to contaminate your daily relationship;

• Check in with one another every day. Spend ten minutes sharing what you feel, think and want with one another;

• Create adventure in your marriage. Travel, dream, read out loud, delight in life together;

• Experiment with different activities you have never done before. Take some chances. Be surprised.

How are you doing in your marriage? Are you spending too much time in the trenches? There is no excuse for a marriage turning stale. God has created a wonderful universe for our exploration — a universe of ideas and possibilities inside our creative minds, and outside in His wonderful creation. Share it and explore it with each other.

Finally, I encouraged Debbie and Kerry to memorize and apply Psalm 139: 14-15. Let this passage come to mind when you interact with your mate.

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place."

Yes, both you and your mate are "fearfully and wonderfully made" by a God who works wonders. Grab your mates hand and get out of the trenches and into the cheering grandstands. You’ll love the difference. (Go Seahawks!)

This article is fifth in a series on nine mistakes most couples make. Read part 4: Are You Playing God in Your Marriage?


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This article was adapted from  Nine Critical Mistakes Most Couples Make  (Harvest House Publishers, 2005).

Dr. David B. Hawkins is a Visiting Professor at International Christian University and specializes in interpersonal relationship counseling as well as domestic violence and emotional abuse in relationships. He has been a frequent guest on Moody Radio Mid-day Connection, Focus on the Family, and At Home Live. You can visit his website at www.YourRelationshipDoctor.com .

Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice about an issue in your marriage or family? Submit a question to Dr. David's new advice column by contacting him at TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com .