Boundaries. Fences. Partitions. They perform a vital role in our lives.
I have the benefit of working in an office. Many visitors to "my space" tell me it feels like a living room. "Good thing," I reply, "because this is where I live much of my life." The walls of my office allow me to define how I am different from my associates, whose offices are down the hall from mine. My walls, for example, are adorned with pictures of my family, the Seattle Seahawks (Yes, we’re going to the Super Bowl) and my Pug, Stewart. I have pictures of my youngest son, Tyson, and me during a recent fishing trip to Alaska. You can tell a lot about me by visiting my work space.
Besides defining us, walls keep others out of our space when needed. I can close the door to my office; workers can position their desks in such a way as to suggest, "Knock before you enter." Walls are very important boundaries, much like fences around yards define personal space and protect turf.
Personal boundaries are much like walls and fences. Personal preferences, feelings and thoughts are all examples of boundaries.
When my oldest son, Joshua, was sixteen, he said he needed to talk to me. He approached me quite firmly one evening.
"Dad. You’ve taught me well. I know exactly what you think. I know about your spiritual beliefs and values about things. But, I am not exactly like you. I need to decide what I believe. It won’t be the same as you because I am different. So, I don’t want you trying to make me just like you. I’m different."
I stood looking at him, amazed at his maturity. While I would not like all of his decisions in the next several years, he was actively discovering and defining his identity.
We should not be surprised that boundaries are an important topic since they were ordained by God. God established the universe with a certain order and specific boundaries. We read, in the story of creation, that "the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the face of the deep." (Genesis 1: 2) Then something wonderful happened. God created — and He used boundaries to create. "Let there be an expanse between the waters to separate water from water." (Genesis 1: 6) God took out His giant color crayon and made definitions between the land, water and heavens.
God created and created. Different animals, different plants and vegetation, different celestial bodies. Then He created His masterpiece. He created man, and ultimately someone quite different from man — woman.
God created natural boundaries between the land and the water so the earth could function in a manner that supports life. We need to follow His example and establish emotional, spiritual and physical boundaries so our lives can function in a healthy way. These relationship boundaries determine what things are and are not our responsibility. Failing to understanding this principle — what is and what is not our responsibility, and living accordingly — is a critical mistake many couples make. Allow me to illustrate.
