Yet, it is a very real loss to have dreams die. Marriage seems so commonplace that to remain single when you desire otherwise truly is a form of suffering. While those who grieve for a tangible loss seem to work through it within a defined season, there is a circular aspect to mourning extended singleness. Though we may be doing well from one holiday to the next, the cumulative effect of facing yet another Valentine's Day, Thanksgiving, or Christmas alone can trigger the grief once again. I know these holidays also trigger the same experience for those who have lost a loved one, but my observation is that grieving seems to diminish over time while it can actually increase over time for those with deferred hopes. Yet, I believe the Lord would want to interrupt that pattern of mourning with the joy that overflows to us by the power of the Holy Spirit (Romans 15:13).

How is that possible? Let's consider again the difference between grief and self-pity. Self-pity turns our gaze inward, focusing only on ourselves. It says, "I am worthy of so much more! Why has this been withheld?!" It is a response of pride; therefore it is accompanied by an inconsolable, demanding spirit that fuels the emotion. Self-pity leads us to assume the worse: "Lord, don't you care?" (Luke 10:40; Mark 4:35-40). True Christian grief says, "I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:  Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. … Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men" (Lamentations 3:19-33).

In your question, you asked what my pastor would do if a single adult showed up in his office with these emotions. I can tell you exactly what he would do because I've been that single! (And this has been my experience with a number of my pastors, not just one.) First, they listen compassionately to my struggles. Second, they ask wise questions to help me discern my functional beliefs in any given situation – what I actually believe about God, myself, and others. Then they remind me of what is true because of the Cross, the reality of what lies ahead for every believer in the Lord Jesus Christ:  "Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal" (2 Corinthians 4:16-18).