The bottom line is this:  If the wonderful, glorious promises of heaven and all that has been secured for us in the manifold mercy found at the Cross don't penetrate the fog of our grief, we can be sure self-pity has hardened our hearts. We simply will not escape trials in this life because we are still living with the consequences of the Fall – there are ramifications of sin everywhere we turn. But that's not the end of the story! Let's not get so focused on this brief life that we forget the best is yet to come – and it will never be taken away from us. We may receive marriage in this life, but it is a temporary gift. The gift of salvation is eternal, not due to our sin-stained merit but due to the Lord Jesus Christ's sinless merit. As he explained to His disciples about His crucifixion and resurrection:

"Are you asking one another what I meant when I said, 'In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me'? I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy" (John 16:19-22, emphasis added).

I hope these musings have encouraged you. There is a vast difference between being told to "get over it" and being equipped with the truth that helps us vanquish both self-pity and grief. My prayer is that this entry has accomplished the latter. I have no other counsel to offer, but I never tire of offering it.

Carolyn McCulley handles church and ministry relations for Sovereign Grace Ministries and is a member of Covenant Life Church in Gaithersburg, MD. This column is adapted from her book,  "Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? Trusting God with a Hope Deferred." (Used by permission of  Crossway Books, a division of Good News Publishers, Wheaton, IL 60187). Carolyn welcomes your comments at info@carolynmcculley.com. Or visit her website or blog.

Your questions answered!  Carolyn will periodically answer Crosswalk.com reader questions in her monthly columns.  While we can't guarantee that each question will be answered, we do hope to hear from you!  Please send your questions regarding singleness and related topics to Carolyn at info@carolynmcculley.com.