Affirm her longings. Don’t diminish the importance of your daughter’s natural longings for relationships and romance. Acknowledge that those yearnings are an important part of growing up into a woman, and that it’s good to have them. Let her know that God gave her those longings for a good purpose, and that it’s worthwhile to wait to fulfill that purpose in the right way – through a loving, committed marriage.
Examine your own views about sex. Consider your beliefs about sex. Do you dread it or enjoy it, and why? Think and pray about your own sexual experiences, and seek healing for whatever you need to achieve a healthy perspective on sex. Realize that you need to present a healthy example to your daughter to help her understand why sex is valuable and worth saving herself for. Write what you have learned as a result of your sexual experiences, and make time to discuss that with your daughter so she can see how God has been working in your life. Ask God to help you connect your story with her story in redemptive ways. When you share your story with her, be direct, focus on what God has taught you through it, and invite your daughter to follow up by telling you her own story so far.
Explore the media’s messages together. Watch TV, surf the Internet, read magazines, and listen to music with your daughter. Then discuss the messages presented about sex. Talk about what you each agree or disagree with – and why.
Teach her that sex is much more than just "hooking up." Help your daughter understand that, contrary to what our culture tells her, sex is a big deal. Contrast God’s view of sex as a sacred act that deeply bonds two people with the culture’s view that sex should be a casual act engaged in by people in uncommitted, loveless relationships.
Point out that not everyone is "doing it." Confront messages from your daughter’s peers that she’s a "freak" for choosing to remain sexually pure. Let her know that she’s not alone in her choice, and give her the support she needs to encourage her.
Help her count the cost of sex. Explain the heavy price she’ll pay if she has sex outside of marriage – physically, spiritually, and emotionally.
Let her know that there are rewards for waiting. Give your daughter some real reasons for waiting by explaining the joys of sex in a healthy marriage.
Remember that there is grace for sexual sin and foolishness. As much as you wish your daughter will never make a mistake, know that God’s grace will redeem any mistakes she makes. Don’t communicate that sexual sin is the end of the world for her. Be willing to rely on God’s strength to forgive and help her learn from it.
