My first suggestion for you is to take a break from this distraction and consider attending another service at your church. This will help you to come to church for the primary purpose of worshiping God and not for seeking the attention of the men around you. I don’t blame you for wanting to meet someone at church – most single Christians do! In fact, I commend you for being committed to dating only Christians. But from all you’ve told me, it seems that right now you need to get off the hamster wheel and adjust your perspective.

I have some thoughts about the following paragraphs, but I’ll get back to those in a moment. I want to get to the heart of your letter, which is found in this sentence: “But how do I continue to go to church when I feel bitter, jealous, and down on myself all the time?” If we were talking over coffee, I would ask you a lot more questions to make sure I understand you correctly, but for the sake of this format, I’ll cut to my quick answer – and remember, this is a lifeline I am throwing to you! From all that you’ve written, you appear to be going to church primarily to seek the attention and the approval of others. You may not be bowing down to a golden statue, but you are controlled by the idol of the opinions of others – even though you may not know accurately what their real opinions are! The bitterness, jealousy, and self-pity you’re experiencing right now is the fruit of that false worship. You will never find freedom, peace, joy, and love in being a slave to what the Bible calls “fear of man.” It’s a crazy, unfulfilling, and – let’s be honest – sinful way to live. But it is our default setting. It’s the way we ALL live until we are set free through clearly understanding our idol-manufacturing hearts and repenting of this false worship. Because Jesus has paid for sins such as these through His atoning sacrifice on the cross, we who trust Him as our Savior can receive the grace to change.

Grace (the unmerited favor and empowerment of God) exchanges bitterness for contentment, jealousy for gratitude, and self-centered pride for God-centered worship. But, as it says in Jonah 2:8, “those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.” There is so much more I could say about this, but I don’t have the space for it. So for now, I will say that the best investment you could make is to order Edward T. Welch’s book, "When People Are Big and God Is Small." This book addresses many forms of the fear of man, including craving approval, fearing rejection, and fearing exposure or shame – and shows how to replace it with God-exalting living. I found it to be a real eye-opener, but also a book brimming with hope for change.