It occurs to me now that if I had asked Ryan how I could help him instead of questioning why he wasn’t getting the job done, he may have chosen to pull his homework marathon a few months earlier. I also wonder how both our lives might be improved if I sought more often to build up Ryan, focusing on his strengths instead of his flaws.
I drive by a church marquee on my way to work that currently features an acrostic with a great prescription: JOY – Jesus first; Others second; Yourself last. In 2007, I pray for the strength and wisdom to help my husband be all that God wants him to be. And in that pursuit, I have a sneaking suspicion I’ll feel pretty fulfilled myself.
A seasoned perspective…
Deborah Raney
I spent most of 2006 procrastinating. It’s a fault of mine that my husband doesn’t share—or appreciate. In fact, whatever the exact opposite of procrastination is, that’s Ken. My resolution for this new year is to take my cue from my husband and get things done before a deadline is bearing down on me, before I’m forced to either do a less-than-quality job, or make everyone else (especially my poor husband) suffer while I try to fulfill my commitments.
I’ve always recognized that God did a good thing when he put two such opposite people together in our marriage, but I always thought this was good because where I was weak, Ken was strong, two halves make a whole, we complete each other, and all that. And those things are true. But I’m learning that sometimes my husband simply can’t do for me what I need to do myself. And when that’s the case, I’d do well to learn from his strengths and adopt some of them as my own.
Instead, I often waste time trying to downplay his good qualities so my own deficits don’t look quite so glaring. How much better it would be if we could each learn to appreciate the other for the way God made us. If I could leave the criticism to God, and only concentrate on building up and honoring my husband for his best qualities, how much happier I’d be. (Not to mention how much happier he would be!)
I know when Ken compliments me on something, it spurs me to continue excelling in that area. When he raves about a meal that I spent extra time preparing for him, it makes me want to cook something special again soon. When he asks if I’ve lost a few pounds, even if I haven’t, his encouraging words fire me up to attempt to earn his praise. And I know when I give him a compliment or thank him for something he’s done for me, it makes him feel his efforts were worth the time he spent.
Remembering that truth, these are my resolutions for this fresh new year God has given us as a married couple:
