Recovering when You Feel Invisible & Insignificant
Kelly BalarieKelly, often called a "Cheerleader of Faith", encourages other to live with passion and purpose. While Kelly has suffered through various mental, physical and financial trials, she has found God's unique plan in these dark places.
- 2016 Jun 17
I remember as a kid that door knock. People from everywhere walked up to our cracked doorstep. People with knives, people with vacuums, people with contraptions and people with frozen foods. When the doorbell rang, you never knew what you were going to get. I always hoped it would be chocolate and something with a cherry on top; my luck was never that good.
Every time, my inclination was to run right up to the door, open it and say, "Show me your presentation, show me the process and tell me the story." They always had a story and it always left you wanting to shell out hundreds of dollars on things you knew you never needed - but, all the same, felt great handing over in large sums.
These people knew how to reach deep within you and pull out - compassion.
Yet, the other inclination within a household was to shut off the lights upon their arrival, to run to the bathroom or to get vertical against a wall. All of these were good techniques to be left safe, secure and unhassled. You just leave that person waiting, sweating, hoping and alone on a doorstep...unseen.
Despite all the great things they bring to the table - you leave them unseen.
Despite all the preparation they have put into their project - you leave them unseen.
Despite all their dreams someone will care - you leave them unseen.
Despite a vision to forge into something more,
something risky and something powerful - you leave them unseen.
I stand on the doorstep sometimes. Do you? I stand trying to knock, the best way I know how, not much succeeding - with no one really caring.
No one says to me, "Keep pressing on. You are doing something important here." I keep moving, door after door, each time feeling like I am just left with cold air and a twisted ankle on the way back down the stairs.
I am sensitive, I guess. Aren't, we all?
God, if you see me, why don't you encourage me?
This makes me think of - her. She walked up to that well as if it was already a slammed door on her face. She knew what to expect: 1.) She wouldn't be spoken to by men 2.) She was a Samaritan and Jews wouldn't give her the time of day 3.) She was shady and unworthy all the same.
I imagine as people saw her coming, they hid behind the safe refuge of the well...
One man saw her, though, saying, "Will you give me a drink?" (Jo. 4:7).
She answered with (imagine: an inner finger wagging at itself, "This is impossible"),
"How can you ask me for a drink?" (John 4:9).
Sometimes we feel so unseen, we feel so unworthy of being seen, we annihilate the love that tries to penetrate us. We let it burst into smithereens. Inside we nod our head saying, "There is just no way..."
I do this.
I believe what I have always known to be true.
I justify the case, rather than considering what could actually be the case.
I excuse others good intentions, saying, "If history is any indicator, they are bad."
Jesus says, "If you knew the gift of God … " (Jo. 4:10)
If only, I knew it, I guess...
I might taste refreshing and rejuvenating water as she did.
I might draw water from a well that gives new hope and vigor all the way up to eternity.
I might beat down the lie - that strongarmed the truth - in order to hold me back.
"Go, call your husband and come back" (John 4:16)
I might confess.
"I have no husband." (John 4:17)
I might find myself knocking on every door to share how me, the lame one, is now seen.
"Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Christ?" (John 4:29).
Have you considered the reason why you feel unseen
is because you want to keep - unseen?
I can't help but think, what if we let in what we have kept out? Might we find it is the love of Christ that has been knocking on our door for so long? What might happen if we stopped hiding and opened our gates?