TJ and the Time Stumblers: Ho-Ho-Nooo!
- Wednesday, September 28, 2011
EDITOR’S NOTE: The following is an excerpt from TJ and the Time Stumblers: Ho-Ho-Nooo! (Book #4) by Bill Myers (Tyndale House Publishers).
Beginnings . . .
TIME TRAVEL LOG:
Malibu, California, December 18
Subject is not fond of video games. I, on the other hand (spit-spit), am not fond of geraniums.
“Fire proton torpedoes!” Captain Tuna shouted.
“Aye, aye, Captain!” the ever-loyal (and always dim-witted) Lieutenant Herby called back. But before Herby could reach over and push the button labeled
WARNING: Push only if you want to blow stuff up and make a real cool mess!
their spaceship was struck by a powerful explosion. The craft lurched violently to the left and was suddenly filled with the sounds of
“Row, row, row your boat—”
“Oh no!” Captain Tuna shouted.
“Oh what?” Lieutenant Herby shouted back.
“He hit us with the Stupid Song Bomb!”
“—gently down the stream.”
Not only was the entire spacecraft filled with the silly stupidity, but so were the brains of the entire crew (i.e., Tuna and Herby—well, actually, only Tuna for sure, since medical science has yet to determine if Herby has a brain).
“Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily—”
“Augh!” Captain Tuna cried, grabbing his head in agony.
“Groovy!” Lieutenant Herby said, tapping his foot in ecstasy.
“Raise the deflector shields!” Captain Tuna shouted.
But Herby was too busy singing along to hear the orders.
Another explosion hit, throwing the craft to the right.
“Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you—”
Captain Tuna leaped from his chair and staggered toward the control panel. “Must . . . stop . . . the . . . music!”
But before he arrived, they were hit again.
“Jack and Jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of—”
“Here we go round the mulberry bush,
the mulberry bush,
Just when Tuna was about to lose his mind (leaving the spacecraft with a grand total of zero minds), the singing was interrupted by an even worse sound.
Tuna spun around and gasped. There, on the giant viewing screen, was the vilest of all villains, Bruce Bruiseabone. He stood on the bridge of his own spaceship, laughing his creepy
Captain Tuna watched in horror as the villainous man put his villainous hands on his villainous hips and spoke (what else?) villainously.
“And so, my mini-micro-minds, we meet again.”
“What do you want from us, you fiendish fiend?” Tuna shouted.
“I want you to hand over the keys to your spacecraft.”
“What?” Bruce shouted back. “You dare challenge me, the most villainous of all villains?”
“That’s right!” Tuna yelled defiantly.
“We’re the heroes of this story,” Herby explained, “and heroes always win!”
“Have it your way.” Bruce turned to one of his crew members and shouted, “Fire torpedoes!”
Once again the ship lurched, and Tuna’s brain (and whatever there was of Herby’s) filled with
“The itsy-bitsy spider
crawled up the water—”
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