Fourth, try not to control the outcome of his transformation from a Christian Nice Guy to a Christian Good Guy. Sometimes this soul work can get a little messy. It’s well worth the wait.

CB:  You say that you are presenting a wider and more powerful definition of love. Can you give us an example?

Coughlin:  A man who joins the Good Guy Rebellion is encouraged to by more tender and more tough, but always keeping in mind what is good for others. They are encouraged to embrace their emotions, not hide from them like so many men are prone to do. It’s not an excuse to be a jerk.

My son’s first day of school is a good example. He was waiting in line and near him was a boy who was clearly upset and depressed. I know the boy. His mom is dying. I put my arm around him and asked him questions about his life. I have no magic answers, but I showed him imperfect love anyway. I never would have done that during my Christian Nice Guy years. And I never would have gone up to the kid who was picking on my daughter and told him that it has to stop now, either.

Paul Coughlin hosts a radio talk show on KDOV in southern Oregon and is the author of "Secrets, Plots, and Hidden Agendas:  What You Don’t Know About Conspiracy Theories."  Paul has been interviewed by C-SPAN, the New York Times, and numerous radio and television stations across the country.  A former Christian Nice Guy, Paul is a happily married father and lives in Oregon.

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