Now, that's a simplistic story compared to the major issues some of you are dealing with, but the same principle applies.  First, you must begin with yourself.  Just because he has abdicated his responsibilities as a man does not mean that you roll over and resign yourself to the fact that he just doesn't seem to get it.  No!  Keep your expectations intact, and let him know that you expect him to be the man he's supposed to be.  Follow that through by leaving the space for whatever he is supposed to be doing vacant.  That means if he doesn't do it, it doesn't get done.  A pastor friend of mine told about a lady parishioner who complained about her husband not paying the bills on time.  My friend told her to allow the lights to be cut off.  Well, this piece of advice just rocked this lady's world.  How could she do that?  Simple, replied the pastor, don't rescue him from his own negligence.  When the lights go off, he will become acutely aware of his responsibilities and do something about it.  After that, it won't happen again.

I know this is true based on two conversations I have had with male friends who were discussing the pros and cons of leaving their wives.  In both cases, the reason the man remained was because he didn't think his wife could function without him.  Though these men felt that they were no longer in love with their wives, they were of the opinion that their wives were still wonderful women and they felt responsible for their well-being.  Each man couldn't bear the thought of a woman who did not deserve to be hurt having her world crumble all around her because her husband wasn't there to keep up the walls.  So they went back home and applied themselves to making their marriages work.

Sarah did not rescue Abraham, I can tell you that.  When he twice passed her off as his sister in foreign territory and she was taken, she didn't open her mouth.  After God intervened in both cases, the kings asked for an explanation from Abraham.  He was held accountable.  They didn't address Sarah at all, never asked her why she didn't say something.  Abraham was her covering.  He was responsible.

This is why God Asked Adam where he was after the fall in the garden.  God knew that Eve  had taken the first bite, yet he addressed Adam.  In God's design, Adam was responsible for Eve, and he had slipped on the job.  He had relinquished his role as protector.  Because he did not intervene in Eve's deception and then -- even worse – willfully rebelled by joining her in her sin, he would be punished.  Because Adam wanted to do things his way and not God's way, he would now find out how difficult it would be to do what was once simple with God, without Him.

It was simple to lead the woman when Adam did it with God.  Now, leading her without God only resulted in her rebellion.  The woman would rebel, the ground would rebel, everything in his world would rebel against him.  But he would still have to produce because it was demanded of him.  So just imagine what would happen if the demand were taken away.  You got it!  Man would sit down for a long rest, relieved the struggle was over.  Now is the time to remind that man he has been redeemed from the curse of the law.  It's time to pick up his cross and, while he's at it, he can take the garbage out.  He can take time with his children and be a good example to them.  He can cover you and protect you from the things that threaten to stretch you beyond your personal resources.  He can treat you the way he treats his own body, as he has been commanded by the Lord, which means he will take good care of you. 


Taken from "The Power of Being a Woman" (formerly "The Power of Femininity") by Michelle McKinney Hammond; Copyright 1999/2004 by Michelle McKinney Hammond; Published by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, OR; Used by Permission.

Michelle McKinney Hammond, a writer, singer, and speaker who focuses on improving love–driven relationships, is the founder and president of HeartWing Ministries as well as the cohost of the Emmy–nominated show "Aspiring Women." Michelle is the author of "The DIVA Principle", "101 Ways to Get and Keep His Attention", "Sassy, Single, & Satisfied", "Secrets of an Irresistible Woman", "What to Do Until Love Finds You", "Get a Love Life", and "The Power of Being a Woman."