October 5, 2006
Encouragement for Today
“Building Your Husband’s Confidence behind Closed Doors”
Micca Monda Campbell, Director of Outreach, P31 Speaker Team Member
1 Cor. 7:5, “Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (NJK)
It’s true. Men want more “time in the bedroom.” I can remember when my kids were small. Evening would come and my husband and I would put them to bed, and then plop down on the couch to unwind. My hair would be all tossed and tangled from my busy day. Instead of make-up, I’d be wearing dried oatmeal and green peas. My fragrance was often a mixed bouquet of spit-up and diaper ointment. It was enough, I thought, to scare away any man but I was wrong. Pat would lean over and give me the look. You know the look. I would think to myself, “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“What’s behind their drive,” I often wondered until I researched the subject in preparation for a talk I was to give. To my surprise, I discovered that their desire is a God-given desire. It’s not some biological urge men could do without. Intimacy is more than a physical need. It fulfills an emotional need as well. According to my research, lack of time spent in the bedroom is as emotionally serious to him as his silence would be to us. It’s just as wounding and it’s just a dangerous to your marriage.
One man surveyed shared this: “Everyone thinks women are more emotional than men. And when it comes to intimacy, men just want to do it where women want more of the emotional stuff like cuddling and talking. So women think men have no emotions, but we do. When a woman flat out says “no” time and again to her husband, she is messing with his emotions and it hurts.”
Our physical desire for our husband profoundly affects his sense of well-being and his confidence in all areas of his life. In the male’s mind, intimacy is assurance that you find him desirable. It also gives him the strength he needs to face the world with confidence. In other words, your man not only wants to be wanted, he needs to be wanted. And if you don’t want him, he may be tempted to find someone who does.
Our key verse warns, “Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (1 Co 7:5).
Now ladies, before you increase your prayer life to avoid building your husband’s confidence, take notice of verse four, “The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” This is may be one area where men are way more spiritual than women are.
Why is intimacy so important to men? It makes them feel loved and desired. It gives them confidence. On the other hand, withholding it can cause your man to feel rejected resulting in low self-esteem and depression.
How do we bridge the gap? Choose to love him the way he needs.
First, realize that you are not just responding to a physical need, but rather to a tender heart that needs to be loved and desired. When done, it counteracts his stress, fears, and loneliness.
Second, get involved. Don’t panic. That simply means that your man wants you to lure him by making the first pounce every now and then.
Third, get your priorities in order. My husband doesn’t ask me for a lot. He probably wouldn’t complain if I never mopped the kitchen floor, rarely washed his clothes, or didn’t cook every night. He’d rather eat out anyway. However, if I continually said no to him in the bedroom, not only would he feel unloved, less confident, and depressed, but I would be putting our marriage in jeopardy and not fulfilling my God-given role as his wife.
Your desire for your husband profoundly affects his sense of well-being and confidence in all areas of his life. If this is true, how confident is your husband?
My prayer for Today:
Dear Lord, thank you for the gift of my husband. Help me to love and nurture him in a way that builds up instead of tears down, in Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Take the initiative. Set the mood. Cook a romantic dinner or order in. Dine on a blanket in the middle of the living room floor. Decorate with scented candles and soft music. Don’t forget to ask him to dance.
What message do you send to your husband when you initiate sex?
What message do you send him when you refuse?
What are some obstacles that hinder you from being passionately involved in intimacy with your husband? How can they be overcome?
How important is it to your husband and your marriage that you overcome these obstacles?
Genesis 2:18, “The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." (NIV)
Genesis , For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” (NIV)
1 Peter 3: 8-9. “Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.” (NIV)
Micca Campbell's Testimony DVD
Capture His Heart by Lysa TerKeurst
Love Notes on His Pillow by Shannon Ethridge