Moments Together for Couples 9/26

by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

Proverbs 13:15
Good understanding produces favor, but the way of the treacherous is hard.

Many couples are surprised by the adjustments they need to make to each other once they are married. Usually the intense feelings of romance and love last for 6 to 18 months after the wedding. And then there is a period where you begin to realize that this relationship will not be as easy to build as you once thought. You begin experiencing problems because of differing backgrounds, varying expectations, job pressures, personality differences, etc.

To continue building oneness, you need to pinpoint problems and make adjustments in how you relate to each other. Even little problems are important. If you don't talk about where to leave dirty socks or whether the toilet seat should be left up or down, isolation will begin to work its way into your marriage.

I remember some of the adjustments Barbara and I made. Take yard work. Barbara believes grass and flowers are meant to be tamed and made to grow beautifully in front of white picket fences. My dad, however, discipled me in the fine art of avoiding yard work. He would let the yard die a slow death each summer from the heat so he wouldn't have to mow it in July and August.

For many men the issue is learning how to lead as a husband. If a wife can show empathy and compassion to her husband, especially when he is a young man, it helps him as he learns to lead her. Many times a woman tends to come into marriage unfairly comparing her new husband with her father. One young man told me, "My wife had to give me grace and flexibility so I could learn how to lead her."

You'll never get beyond adjustments until you subject your values to the overall good of the relationship. Which means that at points you're going to give in and flex. A marriage between two people who each demand to have their own way is tantamount to the Civil War-it's a divided union.

Like me, you're going to have to decide how you take off your undershirts and where you toss them! The Union is at stake!

Prayer:

That your hearts may not become hardened to one another and that you'll never lose your desire to please one another.

Discuss: Where have you had to make adjustments in your marriage, individually and as a couple?

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