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Intersection of Life and Faith

Are Men Really the Problem?

  • Chuck Snyder Author, husband, father, and relationship expert
  • 2000 12 Dec
  • COMMENTS
Are Men Really the Problem?
Question:
I've been one of the regulars at the Crosswalk.com Singles Forum for eight months now and something you said in one of your columns has created quite a stir there.

I would truly appreciate it if you could read through the 95% of All Marriage Problems Are Caused by Men conversation in the Singles Forum and clarify what you meant by that comment. It just doesn't seem very loving to me to be having that discussion "behind your back", when none of us can really know exactly what you were trying to convey.

Keep up the great work; whether people agree with you or not, you certainly give us all something to think about. :)

God bless!

Chuck's Response:
It was nice to hear from you again. Thanks for letting me know about all the unrest in the singles world because of my outlandish statement about men being the cause of 95% of marriage problems. I'm told Gary Smalley has also said something similar in one of his later books.

I have mentioned my thought to probably thousands of married people in seminars in the last year or so and in my latest book called The Way to a Woman's Heart. I don't know what people say behind my back, but I have not had ONE MAN challenge me on the concept after I explained why I felt this was true. Some would come up with a little smirk on their face and say "I don't agree with your 95% figure.I'm only 91%or 89%etc. I think 89% was the lowest figure I have heard so far. Of course some guys probably go home angry at me, but I surely don't think there are very many.

As I explained in the article, women bring into marriage everything needed to have a wonderful relationship by God's design. We men bring in none that I can find. This is not man bashing. I'm not a traitor to my own sex. I am simply stating a fact. Women are into connectingmen are into independence. Women are into people and relationshipsmen are into things. Women are into equalitymen are into winning and losing. Women are into detailsmen are into the big picture. Women are into servingmen are into being in charge, the Big Kahuna, leader, decision maker, up front.

Most churches have been zeros in teaching men what women need. Our pastors didn't know because they were men. Our Dads and Grandfathers never said anything. Therefore we men are totally ignorant as to the ways of a woman and we offend them terribly without meaning to. This is why Barb and I agree totally with Dr. Howard Hendricks that when we see a witchy wife, all wrinkled up like a prune, we never say "what's wrong with her". We always say "what's wrong with him". She is his glory, his radiation, reflecting back what she is getting from him.

Again, some women have issues, but in my experience working with couples, their issues most of the time come from an abusive father or brother or ex husbandsome male in the past. Maybe the backlash is coming from a remnant in the feminist movement that insists that men and women are the sameand therefore have similar gifts.

Maybe you could ask your single's forum to give me some instances where women have done things to ruin marriages that were not related to a man somewhere in their past or presentincluding a husband who did not meet her needs past, or present and this was one of the things that gave her wandering eyes. I'd be happy to talk further, but these are my first thoughts for your consideration. My ears have been burning lately, and I was wondering what it was. Now I know. Thanks for your protection.

Blessings,
Chuck


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