7 Things a Girl Needs from her Mom
- Tuesday, September 03, 2013
Krystle, who is raising a teen and pre-teen daughter, said she wishes her mom had made more of an effort to bring her up, spiritually.
"My mother was a loving, devoted Christian stay-at-home mom up until my parents divorced when I was around 7 years old. Our lifestyle changed dramatically after my parents divorced. My mother struggled to support and raise four children on her own. She became discouraged and left her church for a while. She worked a lot, turned to friends and partying. She became more focused on her life and her needs and didn't encourage her children enough. I feel that my mom should have drawn closer to the Lord during these times."
Our daughters need us to have a strong dependence on the Lord so they can imitate that walk and develop a dependence on the Lord, as well.
5. She Needs to be Allowed to Fail
One young woman who was raised with a strong spiritual foundation said she wishes her parents had realized she was human and she would, indeed, fail.
"I felt very lucky in that both my parents were great examples who showed me love my entire life. The downside for me was that I never felt I could be completely open and honest because the lines of right and wrong were so clearly drawn I was afraid I wouldn't be accepted for the mistakes I did make. I wish at ages 14-16, I had been given permission to make mistakes without judgment. That's not to say I would have made better choices than I already did, but when I messed up, I didn't feel like my mom was as approachable."
When our daughters are young, there are times we want to step in and do something for them, rather than risk their disappointment or having to watch them fail. But it is crucial to their development as young women to learn how to pick themselves up after they fail and move on. Your daughter needs to be okay with the fact that it's perfectly normal and human -- to make mistakes. She needs to know it isn't the end of the world if she fails to do something right. And she needs to know that coming in second or third or not placing at all, is often a part of life.
Guiding your daughter through disappointment and failure is just as important as guiding her through victory and success. Let her make mistakes. Let her feel badly. Let her live out what it's like to be imperfect. And love her through it. Could anything show her more of the way God loves us?
6. She Needs You to be a Woman of Integrity
I can't help but think that is my daughter's greatest need from her mother, as well. I can raise her according to biblical principles, and talk to her about the importance of living frugally, being Christ-like, loving others and having a pure heart. But the bottom line is, if I am not modeling any of it myself, then my words are merely words. She needs to see the Christ-like life lived out in me every day of my life and know it is real before she will know how or even have a desire to live it herself. She needs an example to follow in making life's choices and being the woman she knows I want her to be.
7. She Needs Your Stability
I will venture to say that your stability is even more important than hers. Our daughters can't be the ones who hold us up, emotionally. That's our job. Sure, it's nice to have a relationship with our daughters in which we can share with them what's on our hearts. But be discerning. Your daughter does not want to hear about your marital struggles, your loneliness, or your depression with how things are going in your life. It is our job, as moms, to bear their burdens when they need emotional support and nurturing.
If we're not careful, we can reverse the situation and cause our daughters to feel the weight of having to emotionally carry us. I know many college-aged girls who feel guilty about going away to school because of how difficult it is on their moms to be away from them. Our daughters need us to be a rock because we look to Christ, our Rock, in times of trouble and adversity. Our daughters need us to be women of integrity who show them how to be in the midst of a compromising world. And our daughters need us to be women who can keep it together when life around us falls apart. If we are the ones with the emotional issues, we can lead our daughters toward depression, a sense of hopelessness, or a desire to distance themselves from us.
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