Letting God fill the “Husband” Void
- Cindi McMenamin Author, Women on the Edge
- 2010 20 Oct
"I can't imagine that God would let me live my whole life single," Breanne announced. "So I'm continuing to pray for Mr. Right to walk into my life."
"I never thought my marriage would end in divorce.. I believe God wants me to marry again. He does want me to be happy, doesn't He?" Jocelyn asked, hoping to hear the right answer.
Because God loves us and wants to prosper us (Jeremiah 29:11), we tend to think that means He will always bring a man into our lives. And we think, as long as it's a man who loves God, we have God's automatic blessing. But that's not necessarily the case. God is not obligated to let us have a man simply because we want to be happy. My friend, Dawn Marie, learned this, and is so glad she did.
Dawn Marie, who is now in her late 50s, was longing to find a godly husband when she was in her early 20s. While working for a revival ministry, she met a Christian man that she believed was God's best for her. She began pouring her life into the relationship and ignored some of the warning signs that this man was not the best for her, after all. After she challenged this man about some spiritual issues, he broke off the relationship.
"I was heartbroken," she said "But I was challenged by a mentor to turn the negative situation into something positive." Her mentor told her "You're feeling very desperate right now, but God has a purpose in this." He turned her heartbreaking situation into a project for her. He asked her to write a list of what she wanted in a husband and start focusing on being the kind of woman who would attract that kind of man. Daily she began to pray for what she wanted in a husband and what she wanted to become so she could be the wife God wanted her to be. She began focusing not on finding the right one, but on being the right one. During that time she grew in her love relationship with God. Exactly one year to the date of writing her list of what she wanted in a man, she met her current husband, who fit the bill!
"What I was dating before was what I thought I wanted. But God gave me what I needed," she said.
It doesn't always happen that way, but perhaps God wanted to make sure He was first in Dawn Marie's heart before He let another man come around. And He apparently honored her choice to wait on Him for His best for her, not her idea of what she thought was best.
"I was so desperate for love in my 20s that I almost ended up in a loveless marriage," she says. "God rescued me before I made that foolish choice, even though it broke my heart at the time. I almost missed God's best for me in love because I was so determined in my own manipulation of circumstances.
"I learned a valuable lesson; it is more important to love, fear and obey God than get all my ‘desires' fulfilled - and yet, when I do love, fear and obey Him, He satisfies my desires first with Himself, and then He either changes my desires, or adds blessings that I couldn't even imagine to seek for myself. He knows what is best."
So the choice is yours. Would you rather chase after love that may one day let you down? Or will you be content in the arms of the One who lavishes love on you and shows Himself to be faithful in every way? Start investing in the search that yields true treasure.
God's Word tells us when we search for Him, we'll find Him - often because He is the One who finds us:
And you will seek me and find me when you search for me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13
We are not only told in Scripture to seek for God with all our heart. Jesus told us to love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength (Mark 12:30). But how do we really do that? I believe that means to be consumed with love for Him. It means He is all we think about, He is the One we sing about, He is the One we seek to please, He is the One we live for. It's a lot like being in love. Yet the idols in our life often get this type of devotion from us instead.
In her book, Idols of the Heart, Author Elyse Fitzpatrick says: "Idols aren't just stone statues. No, idols are the thoughts, desires, longings, and expectations that we worship in the place of the true God. Idols cause us to ignore the true God in search of what we think we need. If we think we need to be loved, more than we need a thriving relationship with God, then we have made the idea of love an idol that we worship over God. We can make other people our gods, too, by loving them more than Him."
Having godly relationships is a blessing and a source of happiness, and there is nothing sinful in desiring them. But if they are the source of our joy, if they take top priority in our lives, then they are our gods, Fitzpatrick says.
Can you be a woman who longs for God, rather than love itself? Can you be a woman who focuses on loving God with all your heart, rather than being loved by a man? As we begin to love Him, over anyone and anything, He will develop in us a desperation for His love…and we will know what it means to be on the edge for Him and not for any one else.
Cindi McMenamin is a national speaker and the author of several books including When Women Walk Alone, (more than 100,000 copies sold), Letting God Meet Your Emotional Needs, and Women on the Edge. For more on her books or ministry, or for free resources to help strengthen your soul, see her website, www.StrengthForTheSoul.com.