Being the Right Partner

This year my husband, Steve, and I went on a trip to celebrate two things.  First, we were celebrating the 50^th Anniversary of his parents.  Additionally we were celebrating our own 16^th Anniversary.

I really liked the way Steve’s parents celebrated their anniversary.  They did it by celebrating marriage itself.  They invited, and paid for, their three living sons and their wives to a few days at an ocean front resort. 

Being the parents of four boys, they knew that it was often difficult for parents to get away to spend time alone with each other.  They wanted to encourage in their adult children the importance of putting their spouse first—which is why they arranged an adults-only vacation.

As the boys grew, they were given a clear view of what it was like to live with parents who loved each other, and valued their relationship over anything else.  I want to pass that legacy on to my own children.

One of my favorite things to do with Steve is ride in a car.  I don’t care where we go, as long as we get to talk along the way.  He would sometimes rather just pull off onto a dirt road.  We’ve both learned to adapt to our different ideas of what a car trip means when we’re on a date with each other.

We were able to spend several hours together in a car on our vacation.  Mostly we spent it talking, or listening to a radio program.  We were thrilled when Family Life Today came on the radio.  I sometimes wish we would make it a point to listen to it every day together.  Maybe now we will.  The program talked a bit about making a tribute to someone.  The time was too short for us to make a written one to the parents, but we decided while we were in the hotel room, we would give them a verbal tribute.  What a joy it was to go around the room telling how they affected our lives and what an impact they had made on us.

I’ll never forget the tears in Fulvia’s eyes as she told them that they became a substitute for her own parents who live in Italy. 

How often do we tell those close to us how important they really are in our lives? Days go by without even telling our spouses that they mean the world to us.  This is just one illustration of ways that I can make my marriage better on a day-to-day basis.

I’ve recently been exploring more ways to have an even greater relationship with my husband.  I, for one, want to celebrate fifty years with him.  If that is going to happen, then we must work to make it happen.

One of the books I’ve been reading is called, Men are Like Waffles, Women are Like Spaghetti.  I am thoroughly enjoying the book, but more importantly I’m learning a few things about being a wife. One of the most profound, yet simple quotes in the book is this, “Our experience has taught me that happiness and passion in marriage do not come from finding the right partner, but from being the right partner.”

My new book on marriage, If it Weren’t for Eve, I’d be a Perfect Wife, is due out very soon.  That is pretty serious pressure to make sure my marriage is strong and intact.  Therefore, I’m going to take the advice of Bill and Pam Farrel, by being the right partner for my husband. That means I must continue to work at this marriage.  I can’t become complacent, or even give it third place on the priority chart. 

Now that our kids are older and don’t require a sitter, it’s easy to go someplace on the spur of the moment.  Just the other day Steve walked in to my office and said, “Can I take you to a movie, m’lady?”

 I looked around at the mounds of paperwork that I had on my desk.  My first thought was that I just didn’t have the time.  I really needed to get all of the year-end paperwork filed away, and all the tax stuff sorted out.  Then I looked into his eyes and I knew the paperwork could wait for another day.  But my prince could not wait another moment.  I jumped into the blue pickup and rode off into the sunset.

In addition to devoting herself to her husband and the eight children she home schools, Terri also enjoys writing and speaking to offer encouragement to women in an effervescent, humorous way. Visit her Web site at www.ignitethefire.com or e-mail her at terri@ignitethefire.com.  

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Check out Terri's latest book! Ignite the Fire! is a guide to help the parent create in their children an excitement for learning. It is loaded with ideas to spark your children. Buy it!