On TSA, Texas and Tests
- Josh Carden Home-School Grad and Law Student
- 2003 1 Jan
Once again, I'm on a plane. Out of respect to the newly-established Transportation Safety Administration (TSA) - a fine and upstanding organization - and a sincere desire to never again receive pointed emails from the spouse of a TSA worker, I'm going to refrain from commenting on anything related to my trip through X-ray land during this entire article. Did I mention that the TSA is a fine and upstanding organization?
But I can't resist telling you just this ONE really quick thing I noticed for the first time during my airplane travels (which has nothing to do with the fine folks at TSA). While walking down the jetway to the plane, I looked to my left and noticed a single-page sign that read "Please Read All Signage Before Operating Aircraft Door."
It wasn't addressed to me (and wasn't signed by the TSA), but my curiosity was aroused. The sign had pictures of the outer doors of two different airlines' planes. In keeping with tradition, both shall remain nameless except that one name is contained in the phrase "American the Beautiful" and one name in the phrase "TWAs the night before Christmas." But I digress. The sign highlighted the fact that one door handle was "ABOVE the door" on one plane and the door handle was "BELOW the door" on the other plane.
The necessity of the sign became clear in the next paragraph (which I am not making up): "If you pull the handle ABOVE the door on the (airline name) plane door, you will eject the tail cone of the plane and deploy the emergency tail cone slide." I had to laugh. As Jeff Foxworthy says: "You know they wouldn't have a sign like that unless somebody had done it!" Actually, if it had happened on my plane, I wouldn't have minded that much. I've always wanted to slide down one of those rubber slides you see on the seat-back pocket emergency instruction cards....
Ok, enough plane talk, what else shall we discuss? Certainly not the weather - you folks on the East Coast and up north must be tired of hearing how the temperature is 70 degrees where I live in Arizona (The "Dog Days of Winter" as we like to call Dec.-Feb.). Nothing funny there. Hmm. How about the Super Bowl?
Well, as a matter of fact, I care so LITTLE about the Super Bowl this year, that my plane ride is taking place DURING the Super Bowl. My beloved Dallas Cowboys (I've just offended 50 percent of my readers) are not in the Super Bowl and there is nothing amusing about that (although you Redskins and Eagles fans probably find that amusing indeed). What else could we talk about?
Oooh, I know. I can share something funny and a prayer request all at once. Many of you may recall that one of my excuses for not writing more often was the Horror That Was The Arizona Bar Exam.
Well, just like every bad horror flick, this one has a sequel: I'm taking the Texas Bar Exam in July. (Movie Poster Tagline: "Just when y'all thought everything was hunky-dory!") Of course, given my love for The Promised Land, no one has been particularly SURPRISED that I'm taking the Texas Bar Exam. But I have received a few pointed comments from my fellow attorneys.
For instance, one asked me "Hey, isn't it a defense to murder in Texas to tell the judge 'walp, he jist needed killin'?" Har der har. And yes it is.(ok ok, not really) Oh, and the other big comment: "I'll bet you're REQUIRED to wear your boots to court, aren't you!" I sigh. I roll my eyes. Then I have to explain the difference between a "requirement" and a "custom stretching back to the days of Sam Houston."
Nobody understands. Anyway, I am hoping to become a Texas attorney after July of this year, becoming the first of my family to have a legally split personality. I would greatly appreciate your prayers as I begin the studying process.
Ok, so maybe this won't go down as my funniest all-time column. That's okay. I'm secure in my funny-ness. I'm sort of working my way back into the groove. Be patient with me.
At least I'm making the effort and not resorting to shameless and witless attempts to make you laugh by telling you that I'm wearing a clown suit. With a giant red nose and a goofy wig. And oversized shoes. Doing the hula-hoop.
You can reach Josh at