Identify the source of anger. Anger is a secondary emotion that is experienced in response to a primary emotion such as hurt, frustration, or fear. Anger is usually a defense mechanism against being hurt. Frustration is a large part of anger. Frustration occurs when expectations and personal goals aren’t met. The things that frustrate people are usually not very important. Identifying frustrating personalities or situations will prepare a person for handling similar encounters in the future.

Choose how to invest anger energy. You can’t always control when you will experience anger, but you can choose how you will express it. With God’s help, you can find creative and constructive ways to deal with anger. Handling anger well involves open, honest and direct communication. It involves speaking the truth in love. It involves declaring truth and righting wrongs. It involves being open to an apology or explanation and seeks to work toward an agreement.

For many, both the experience and the expression of anger have become a habit. Habits can take some time to break. The good news is that, with God’s help, you can change and grow. As you allow the Holy Spirit to fill you, you can replace the old, unhealthy ways of responding with new, healthy, and God-honoring emotional responses.


Portions of this article were adapted from "Healing the Hurt in Your Marriage," Copyright 2004 and “The Great Marriage Q&A Book,” Copyright 2006 by Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg, all rights reserved.  Published by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., www.tyndale.com.  To order this resource or to find our more about Dr. Gary and Barb – Your Marriage Coaches, visit www.drgaryandbarb.com or call 1-888-608-COACH.   

Married over 30 years, the parents of two adult daughters and four grandchildren, Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg, your marriage coaches, have a unique blend of insight and wisdom that touch people of all ages. Together with Gary's 25,000 hours of counseling experience and Barbara's gift of encouragement and biblical teaching, they are equipping thousands of families across the nation through their interactive daily radio program, conferences, and marriage and family resources.