Finally, digest and integrate messages from here and now long with those from your past. Having participated in your own mini-group therapy (voices from the past and those from the present) make new goals to be a better version of yourself. Acknowledge limitations, recognize areas of weakness that need to be strengthened while encouraging acceptance of who you are now.

I’d like to hear from you. Do you find it challenging to “speak the truth in love” to yourself? Developing a healthy self-concept comes from reconciling old voices with new messages, coming to a clear sense of who you are now and how God has created you to be. Please read more about these issues in my book, “When Pleasing Others is Hurting You” and explore more about my Marriage Intensives and Wildfire Marriage Interventions at

Dr. David Hawkins is the director of the Marriage Recover Center where he counsels couples in distress. He is the author of over 30 books, including 90 Days to a Fantastic MarriageDealing With the CrazyMakers in Your Life, and Saying It So He'll Listen. He can be reached on Twitter at Dr. Hawkins grew up in the beautiful Pacific Northwest and lives with his wife on the South Puget Sound where he enjoys sailing, biking, and skiing. He has active practices in two Washington cities.