Becoming the Woman of His Dreams
- Thursday, February 17, 2011
“You bet I do,” Jill smiled.
One of a husband’s greatest longings is to be adored, admired, and appreciated by the woman of his dreams. And if those needs are not being met at home, he will seek elsewhere. He may go to work to hear “job well done,” to the ball field to hear, “way to go,” or even back home to momma to hear, “I’m so proud of you son.” But where he really wants to go to be adored is through the front door of his own home.
Initiates Intimate Friendship
I still remember the television commercial with men gathered around a campfire with their favorite drink in hand. Men laughed and slapped each other on their backs as the announcer said, “It doesn’t get any better than this.” But according to the men in my survey, it does get better than that. What men really want is to have fun with their wives.
During the dating days, couples focus on getting to know one another and having fun together. But somewhere between paying the mortgage, cutting the grass and taking care of the kids, the fun aspects of marriage get taken out with the trash. So how do we change that? We become very intentional and create commonalities. Find something that you enjoy doing together, learn how to communicate effectively, and make time for fun. Then as he lays his head on the pillow after a fun-filled day with the woman he loves, you might hear him say, “It doesn’t get any better than this.”
Safeguards Her Marriage
One area that is very tender to your tough man’s heart is that he wants the woman of his dreams to place him number one above every other human relationship – above parents, above their children, and above all others. She safeguards her marriage against forces that wedge their way between her and her husband and she stands sentry to protect their relationship against anything that would pry them apart. The woman of your man’s dreams lets him know that he is second only to God.
A man wants to know that he is still King of the castle no matter how many little princes and princess are vying for mom’s attention. Craig’s response was echoed throughout the men’s responses: “I wish my wife understood my need to be her first priority, after God and before the kids or other outside interest.” He may never say these words aloud, but they are most likely hidden in his heart.
There is much in print today about low self-esteem in women. However, I see that same problem in men. They are less likely to expose or admit their need for encouragement, I believe, because it goes against the world’s idea of masculinity. Men are taught to be tough, have thick skin and not need kind words. But they long to know someone believes in them.
Our men may never tell us the wounds that were inflicted on them as children by ill-spoken words. “You are such a slob.” “You’ll never amount to anything.” “Why can’t you make good grades like I did when I was in school?” A husband may never tell his wife about hurtful words that were deposited in his memory bank, but I’d bank on the fact that such comments are in his account – perhaps locked away in a safe deposit box where no one can see. We may not be able to withdraw them or erase them, but we can deposit enough encouraging words to counterbalance and negate the bad. The woman of your man’s dreams lets him know that she believes in him.
Sexually Fulfills Him
While this may be the last section in this article, you can be sure it was his first response. From the surveys I collected, sexual fulfillment was right at the top of the list, running neck-and-neck with respect. A wife can excel in praying for her husband, respecting him, adoring him, initiating intimate friendship with him, safeguarding her marriage, and encouraging him, but if she neglects sexually fulfilling him, all her efforts will fall short. Sexual fulfillment, not accommodation, is the glue that holds all the other elements together. It is not just the glue of marriage, it is the superglue.
If you look back at these seven qualities, the first letter of each one spells out the word P-R-A-I-S-E-S and resonates with the writer of Proverbs 31:29: “He (her husband) praises her, ‘Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.’”
Imagine with me for a moment. Think ahead 20, 40, 60 years. What do you see? Your marriage is becoming what it is going to be – and so much depends on you. No, building a wonderful marriage cannot be achieved by one person alone. It takes two. I take that back. It takes three: a woman who’s committed to becoming the woman of her man’s dreams, God, who longs to give her the power and creativity to do so, and a man who clings tightly to both.
Sharon Jaynes is an international speaker and author of thirteen books, including Becoming the Woman of His Dreams and Your Scars are Beautiful to God. To learn more about Sharon’s and resources, visit www.sharonjaynes.com.
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