How long have these behaviors been going on?

Do you believe your husband has an addiction? If yes, have you tried AlAnon or Celebrate Recovery? If yes, is it affecting your finances? His health? Your safety? Your sanity?  

Here’s a copy of the power wheel of control & abuse. Looking at it, how many of these issues do you see in your marriage?

Has your husband hurt you or your children physically or sexually? If yes, do you feel unsafe? If yes, do you have a place to stay? If no, do you need help looking for a place?

Would you be comfortable starting a record of what-have-you (names he calls you and how often, how much alcohol he seems to be going through, upsetting behaviors like locking himself in his office for hours then changing all the passwords on his computer, etc.), so we can get an idea of what we’re dealing with?

Listen, I know this is messy. I know both sides need to be taken into account. I know sometimes people lie or their perceptions are skewed.

But I also know this. If a woman is going to her church for help a) you are probably her last resort, no offense, and, b) she is probably only scratching the surface of what’s really going on.  

Please, please. I am literally begging you to do this better. There are too many women languishing in their Christian marriages. We must take this seriously. We must listen. We must believe. We must stand up against abuse and addiction and sin. And we must protect women and children in the name of Jesus.

Additional resources:

(c) Elisabeth K. Corcoran, 2013

Elisabeth is mom to Sara (17) and Jack (15-1/2). She loves spending time with her kids, her friends, reading and writing. She is the author of At the Corner of Broken & Love; One Girl, Third World; He Is Just That Into You; In Search of Calm: Renewal for a Mother’s Heart; and Calm in My Chaos: Encouragement for a Mom’s Weary Soul. All these books can be purchased on Her newest book, Unraveling, released with Abingdon Press in October.

Visit her website and her blog.

If you are in a difficult marriage or find yourself going through a difficult divorce, I have created two private groups on Facebook that I would like to invite you to. Simply email me at for more information.

Elisabeth is a proud Member of Redbud Writer's Guild and has been featured on Moody’s In the Market with Janet Parshall, This is the Day with Nancy Turner, and Midday Connection with Anita Lustrea

Publication date: November 8, 2013