Dear B:

Unfortunately, you raise a very common problem -- that men typically are more passive spiritually, leaving the women to take the leadership role in this area of their relationships. This certainly is not God's plan for marriage, and I sense your frustration. Men do need to be challenged and encouraged to raise their level of interest and participation in spiritual matters.

On a positive note, thankfully your husband is involved in the church and this can be something you can build upon together. You will need to walk a fine line with him: Talk to him about your desires to pray, fellowship and worship together, yet also realize that his faith walk may be different from yours. Many studies show that we all have different ways of praying, worshipping, and even fellowship styles, and you will need to appreciate those differences. Look for commonalities, not differences, while seeking opportunities to join him in his music ministry. Do I hear an opportunity to have a family evening of Christian music in the home? Also, don't forget to regularly bring your concerns to the Lord - ultimately, God is the one who can bring about genuine change in your husband's heart.

*Originally posted November 30, 2005

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Dr. David Hawkins is the director of the Marriage Recover Center where he counsels couples in distress. He is the author of over 30 books, including Dealing With the CrazyMakers in Your Life, 90 Days to a Fantastic Marriage, and Saying It So He'll Listen. Dr. Hawkins grew up in the beautiful Pacific Northwest and lives with his wife on the South Puget Sound where he enjoys sailing, biking, and skiing. He has active practices in two Washington cities.